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On the heels of masturbation month, I’m happy to announce that satan fondles himself.
I discovered this while reading a most enlightening blog entitled, “Is Burning Man to Blame for the Increase in American Teen STD Cases?”
The idea here is that where fun is had, Satan gets off - sending people to hell.
This masterful piece of drivel, filled with powerful literary images like “fecal flinging, sex addicted homosexuals”, describes women’s breasts as “milk sacks”, and pussies as “moist camel humps.”
The blog argues that attending Burning Man is a first class trip - to hell.
When I began reading, I couldn’t decide if it was over the top satire or the delusional writings of a true believer. Unfortunately, it’s latter. The tag line “conservative values in an unsaved world.”
Comforting.
What all of his bitter Burning Man blogging blather has to do with teens and STD’s - well I’m not quite sure. The writer obviously hates men, hates women, hates teens, and hates sex. Clearly he has never been to Burning Man, nor attended any of the hundreds and hundreds of free educational events - including sex-ed support groups offering free condoms - happening every day on the playa.
Once again, fear, ignorance and misrepresentation trump facts. But facts are irrelevant when we are saving souls.
As I begin preparing for my 9th “burn” at the end of August, I can’t help but wonder what awesome adventures lay ahead for me and my poop slinging homo-homies and milk sack swigging, camel toed touting home girls.
I know one thing for sure, Burning Man will be a first class trip - to open mindedness, adventure, sex education, creativity and fun, and that is hot!
Now, I better order goggles to keep the blowing desert sand out of my eyes - and satan's sperm.
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Christwire.org
It's satire.
Aww, Lawrence, it IS satire!
The blog post is part of the Christwire series, and it's definitely satire. Don't worry, you are in good company for believing it was serious. Rachel Maddow believed it. The HuffPo believed it TWICE.
See http://www.mediaite.com/online/oops-rachel-maddow-gets-duped-by-satirical-website-christwire-quickly-owns-up/
And http://www.theatlanticwire.com/entertainment/2010/08/satirical-christian-site-hoodwinks-the-huffington-post/23306/
That said, have a glorious, wonderful time out at Black Rock City, a place where dreams and art collide headlong in an orgy of one's own making. As a veteran, you no doubt will remember: stay hydrated to piss clear!
Wow. Well Thank Satan's Sperm for That...
Phew. Glad to hear.
On the subject of hydration - doing a calculation, I did find that it is nearly impossible to keep completely hydrated on the playa... The only time I piss clear on the playa is when I add water after the fact...
Thank you for the heads up on Christwire....Mystery solved. However, I'm still gonna get goggles this morning ;)
Have a great rest of the weekend! And happy fathers day - especially to all the mothers who have had to play both roles in their lives... including my mom!
Some More Burning Man Satire
Sometimes it's hard to figure when a crazy rant is the work of a true wack job and when it's a parody. The really edgy nut cases become so delusional that parody is impossible; they literally parody themselves.
About ten years ago the following website appeared, warning us all to the dangers of the annual sin festival called Burning Man. Essentially a party featuring Satan. This site is still up.
http://poweredbychrist.homestead.com/BurningMan.html
Burners posting on ePlaya had a lot of fun with this and nobody much cared if it was religious insanity or satire. It's as much fun either way. The rant goes on for endless pages and I doubt anyone but the author has read it completely through. That's the main reason I think it was meant to be serious. Satirists and parodists just don't spend that many thousand words being funny.
Like Lawrence I'm also having my 9th burn this year. I hope to see some D&R afficianados on the Playa. Look for the Twistine Chapel. As pope, I'm the ranking prelate. Clothing is optional at the Chapel, but gin and scotch are not. They are required sacramentals.
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