Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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It’s old news now; The Packers won the Superbowl. But, did you really stop to talk about porn with your family? What’s wrong with you?

Sunday was declared Talk About Porn Day by an evangelizing, misguided surfer-dude-cum-church leader, who is desperately trying to raise public awareness on what he believes are the evils of porn on society.

His church shows up at porn conventions to save people’s souls. It makes me laugh cause he always hires hot, young porn type girls to hand out Jesus pamphlets.

Here’s a quote from his CNN interview this past Friday. “The bible says , ‘run away from sexual sin’. I believe porn is tearing apart homes, breakin’ apart marriages, and not having a positive effect on families,” he said with the smirking confidence of a young guy who thinks he has got the world figured out.

Here’s the problem. He’s speaking about his feelings as if they are facts; feeling are just feelings - not facts. Having worked with thousands of clients over the years, it’s pretty clear to me that this pastor is dealing with his own inner conflicts and demons regarding porn -- and projecting those feelings on the rest of the world.

CNN gave his moral Superbowl mission airtime. He was earnestly pitching people to talk about porn and their “porn addictions” with their families, during the Superbowl. He created an “accountability software” to monitor our porn surfing habits.

“... is free (by free he means a monthly fee) accountability software program helping with online integrity. Whenever you browse the Internet and access a site, which may contain questionable material, the program will record the site name, time, and date the site was visited. A person of your choice (an accountability partner) will receive an email containing all possible questionable sites you may have visited within the month.”

His big beef? “Some 40 million people a day watch pornographic images on a screen,” he says with arrogant condemnation of people who he thinks he understands.

I’m not sure where he’s getting his numbers from though, because they sound low.

But why and how porn and porn stars get blamed for societies ills is beyond my imagination. In my experience, people are not doing much fucking in long term relationships. Furthermore, there are millions and millions of men who have little or no sexual access to women. That’s not porn’s problem. Porn is a response to a need, and the emotional/sexual brain’s endless desire to see nakedness in all its beautiful forms.

Personally, I’d much rather have a guy beating off to whatever he wants, rather than turning around and beating the family, or molesting kids - which I have seen many times surrounding religious repression.

Our shame, guilt, and feeling badly about our bodies, sexuality, and our desires is what creates so much terror and confusion regarding porn. However, we are wired to want to see nakedness. We are wired with a sex drive. Porn is just an expression of those impulses made possible by easy access to technology and the web.

Easy technology is exactly why the adult industry has been so ravaged. Anybody can be a porn star right in their own home, right now, today.

Just as technology changed the music industry, it has also changed porn. It’s just our religions, myths, and morals that remain in the dark ages of biblical thinking.

For me, perhaps the most telling thing about the state of the American psyche regarding sex is this; we can watch endless weeks of images of people being beaten and bloodied in Cairo - and all of that violence is considered perfectly normal - fine.

Sandwiched between the violence is this CNN “porn” story - and it’s being treated like someone took a crap in a bag and handed it to the anchor person. Her face contorted as she spoke of this dirty, nasty porn subject - even though it had a religious mission attached.

I was noticing that she herself was porn. She certainly wasn’t on the air because she was a troll. Her hair was all proofed up, her dress was sexy, her lips were made up to be engorged and alive, and all the while she was acting as if sex was this icky pooey dirty thing - and that she was being sullied by even having to talk about it.

“Porn destroys intimacy... it makes regular sex with flesh and blood partners dull by comparison,” the surfer dude said to the porn-news-star CNN anchor person.

In my opinion, if people were really having hot, open, connected, communicative sex with one another, the 3-D tangible, flesh and blood experience would make porn seem dull by comparison.

It’s our moral obsessions that suck the life out of our long term sex lives.

But seriously, how can watching people on video make life less “real” anyway? It’s like watching a bunch of people drink in a movie, and then saying that when you actually go out to drink it will be “dull by comparison,” so why bother?

Pay attention preachers and pundits. If we really want to stop porn, then we will have to stop life - because sex, life, and porn go hand in hand.