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The Myth of the Bi-Curious Woman

Wed, 12/02/2009 - 18:43
Submitted by Lawrence Lanoff

Many people feel that bisexuals are sluts, or that bisexuality is merely a transitional phase to full-blow homosexuality or full-blown heterosexuality. According to current moral and social thinking, we believe in the sanctity of the heterosexual union. It seems that, in the ultimate bisexual power move, god loves heterosexuals.

This week, the myth that women only experiment in college and then go back to religiously sanctioned heterosexuality has been officially busted. A longitudinal study found that bisexuality was a stable sexual orientation and that bisexuals were as likely as lesbian or heterosexual women to commit to long-term relationships.

When looking at bisexuality from a demythology perspective, this 10 year study on bisexuality and women is refreshing and life affirming. It points to the idea that sex and attraction move, change, and flow over time - without being pined to a specific gender. As a woman's circumstances, attractions, and relationships change, so does her sexual identity to reflect these changes.  Meredith Baxter (the mother on Family Ties) just announced a change in her sexual identity after 3 marriages and 5 children.  At 64, she is seriously dating another woman confessing on the Today Show that she is in fact a "lesbian".

We're social mammals, so it seems to me that bisexuals have a social edge - free to connect with all people regardless of their orientation or gender. Could this be ultimate sexual freedom?
I recently saw the premier of Rehab: Party at The Hard Rock Hotel. A muscle bound party guy passionately makes out with a voluptuous girl "with a secret so dark it turns his world upside down." The dark, horrible secret; "she" was once a "he". Party guy almost went violent.

Why do our strict definitions of gender continue to trigger such strong emotional responses?
One of the interesting findings of this study was that change in sexual identity was more common than identity stability. 67% of the women in this study changed their sexual identity at least once and 36% changed their identity more than once. This finding supports the "sexual fluidity" model, which claims that women have the capacity to be attracted to both sexes. As their life circumstances and relationships change over time, women change their sexual identity to more accurately reflect their personal attractions and relationships.

In reality, human sexuality is fluid - ebbing and flowing throughout our lives. There is no constant - other than sex with ourselves which, technically, is gay sex. I wonder how party guy would feel about that?

Reality Hacker. Sex Educator. Geek.
lawrencelanoff.com

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Maybe We Are All Bi To A Degree?

Miss Moonlight's picture
Thu, 12/03/2009 - 10:24
Miss Moonlight

Until I hit the ripe old age of 30 I had considered myself straight.  Then certain events came along which changed my view. I would now describe myself as "straightinsh" (but past the curious stage) rather than bi.

Serious relationships have been with men but I have had 3 liaisons with women along the way; the softness was beautiful and very special. Girls/women are more tactile than men and I'm not sure that any woman is 100% straight deep down, although this view would horrify many, hopefully on this site though. x

Should we seperating sexual turn-ons from true homosexuality?

ChrisOnline's picture
Wed, 12/09/2009 - 20:28
ChrisOnline

Is it fair to generalize and say that women, on the whole, are more naturally empathetic creatures then men? We have a tendency to place ourselves in the other person’s shoes and imagine we feel what they feel. I think this may account for why many of us find sensual female visuals, as well as sexy written descriptions of women, as erotic as men do. Hence, I agree with Moonlight that most of us are not 100% straight!

I wonder if this is what makes reading romantic erotica so engaging for many women, where as it does not seem to be as strong a draw for men. We become the woman in the scene. We are turned on by the descriptions of her body, and what's being done to it, even when there is very little description of the man involved.

Having never felt any kind of emotional pull toward a relationship with a women, I think it's interesting that I can be just as turned on by beautiful female nude, for example, as I am by male nude. I assign it to the same reason reading erotic turns me on. I project myself onto the nude woman and imagine my lover seeing me like that. I actually use that image, or that erotic writing, as building materials for partner sex, and espically for fantasizing when I’m on my own.

It maybe useful to separate the fact that women can find the female form a turn on, from the issue of true relationship orientation, homo vs. heterosexuality. It's confusing to equate a homosexual person’s emotional need for a same sex relationship to any given persons openness to same sex, sensual encounters, which I think that bisexualtiy is sometimes code for.

My truly homosexual friends are looking for an emotional connection to their partners that I would never feel towards a woman, regardless of the fact that I felt turned on by a sexy picture of her.

Well I prattle on and on to simply state that I would agree with Moonlight; most women can be turned on by other women on some level.

 

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