Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

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Okay, I can't lie. I've been exchanging messages on a dating site with this hot butch chick. You probably don't get it right? I'm sure a lot of you dykes out there do, but I happen to know that a lot of my friends who read this just don't understand the appeal of butch. D especially, don't lie. You think butch, and you think bulldyke. You think hairy, ugly, mannish. Jen, you think.. butch? Why? There are so many lovely femmes...

But what can I say, guys. Some of them are just plain hot.  Now, as some of you might know, I'm into femmes most of the time myself. I love straight girls, I love bi girls, I love lesbians. I just love femme-y, feminine, make-up wearing, hair-done-nice, sexy-perfume girls. My "type" if I had to define it would probably be tall, curvy and blonde. I like big boobs, what can I say. I used to stare at my college roommates cleavage all day in awe of their magnificence. I had a crush on the incredibly straight, adorable brunette girl who used to copy my notes in Philosophy... not to mention the sexy new-mom redhead professor teaching the class.

But once in a while... A butch will cross my path that I just can't ignore. It doesn't happen often. I think the last time I really found a butch stunningly attractive was when I was channel surfing and happened upon an old rerun of A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila... Oh yeah. You remember Dani. Maybe you do know what I'm talking about after all.

So anyway, back to the messages. We're just shooting the shit, talking about our interest in literature, our disillusionment with postsecondary education. Normal stuff. All of a sudden she mentions she was in the army after high school.... Oh boy. I'm sure you can just imagine what that did to me.

You know that thing you straight girls have for a man in uniform? Yeah. That.

No, let it sink in a little. Take a second.

That.

Dear. Lord. If I was on the fence before, I'm completely bewitched now. And you know what I'm talking about, too. So I'm not the queen of femmes, and I have no idea if she actually identifies as butch, but I'm going to try to explain this as best I can anyway.

Sometimes, and I mean only some of the time. Very rarely. I ask myself "what is the point of being so feminine if there's no masculine to balance it out?" You might think that because I'm gay I don't get the boy thing, but I get it. I've dated boys. I get the whole, you want to smell the cologne on their hoodie you borrowed thing. Held in someone's big, strong arms thing. Have a real gentleman treat you like a lady thing.

I get it, I just don't like the cock that goes with it.

Okay, it isn't that easy. Have I ever met a butch in real life? Not really (small town, people). I mean I said hello to a cute dyke at a pet store once but that doesn't really count. Have I met a staight guy before? Mm yeah, just a few. Can I still assume there's a huge difference? Pretty sure. The genitals are a huge part of it (fuck, I love me some pussy), but there's the gender thing, too.

They're still a woman. There's different hormones going on, different brain chemistry. Sometimes I like to think men are completely simple and that I understand them, but that's just not true at all. I don't. But women... Oh boy, I get women. I love women.

I guess maybe it's like soy milk compared to regular milk. (Is anyone still following this?)
Regular milk makes me feel sick (much like the peen), makes my throat phlegmy, comes from an animal, and tastes kinda weird. I've been a vegan for 5 years, me and milk just don't get along.
But soy milk. Oh man I like that soy milk. It comes from delicious soy beans, makes me healthy, does all the same jobs as regular milk, and doesn't give me a stomach ache. And I don't feel like a douchebag for drinking it.
It's similar to milk, but it isn't milk. It's close, but it's not like it's trying to be milk. Maybe this is a weird metaphor.

All I can say is, my heart leaps at the idea of being taken care of (and taken) by a sexy, strong butch. I don't find every butch I see attractive (probably for a lot of the same reasons you hets don't), but when I do find someone, and usually it's a sexy face that does it, hello panty milkshake alert.

Seriously, is anyone else creaming at the idea of a female Tommy Gavin? Just me? Okay.