Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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For those of you who don't know, I began my illustrious (illustrious means "eating cold, leftover kung pao chicken while wearing dirty pajamas", right?) writing career by chronicling my adventures in retail at the blog, The Checkout Girl. The site is offline for now, but the thought of my stories sitting around, collecting dust, makes me sad, so I'll be sharing my favorites here, on Mondays.

About a year and a half ago, I was the checkout girl at a mall clothing store. I prefer not to say exactly which one, but it rhymes with Cold Gravy. Though grocery is my specialty, it was great not to wear a uniform for a while, and a really easy job.

One weekday, I was stuck on fitting room duty and, no doubt, drooling from boredom, when a customer finally came in. She had a ton of clothes draped over her arm, and was accompanied by a friend with an equally giant haul. While the rule was six items at a time, I didn't care enough to stop them and they seemed like they were having a total hoot so I just let them in. As they tried on things and modeled them for each other, they asked me what I thought and, generally, were very nice. One ran to Starbucks at the other end of the mall, and brought back mochas, including one for me. I liked these ladies. As I was trading out some of their items for different sizes, I looked at one and said, "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Laura Linney?" When she threw back her head and laughed, I realized to whom I was talking and was mortified. I tried to play it cool, thinking, "I must be crazy, why in the world would Laura Linney be in a crappy mall in Richmond, VA?"

The fashion show ended, and they insisted on helping me fold and hang everything before leaving, taking with them quite a few cute outfits. I tried telling a couple of coworkers about it, but none of them even knew who I was talking about. Later that night, I saw on the news that David Morse, Paul Giamatti, and Laura Linney were in town to film John Adams. While I am from Southern California and have met a few celebrities (and spotted quite a few more), none of them had ever bought me a caffeinated beverage before. I was floored.

In the end, I left that job because I had a total pill for a manager. One time he actually stood and *timed* me while I folded tshirts. I walked out and told him that I would be back after he apologized for his appalling behavior. He did. Eventually, he told me that I should find another job because I wasn't comfortable pushing the crappy store credit card that carried a ridiculously high interest rate. "Well, that's your job," he told me, "and if you can't do your job, you can't work here." And so I didn't.