I Was Lying on My Back, Legs Straight, Arms Spread Out, Like a Modern Day Fat Jesus

Mon, 07/19/2010 - 09:48
Submitted by Anonymous

They stood over me, the two of them. He poked at my sides as I lay* there, wearing only a gown that opened in the back, my bra, some panties, and a pair of old Converse that I had neglected to take off. I still felt like myself as long as I was wearing my sneakers.

"She's really big," he said to her, "Bigger than I thought. We're going to have to adjust for that."

She nodded as tears welled up in the corners of my eyes.

"I'm right here, you know," I said, trying for indignation but managing little more than a whimper, "I can hear you."

I was at an urgent care clinic, on a cold, hard table, having x-rays taken for an injury I had sustained at work. I was hurting as they contorted my body into positions that would have been uncomfortable, had I been in the best of health. Then, he said it. "She's really big."

"We see you," he said in response to my meager protest, as they both moved to stand behind the wall that protects their genitals from radiation. I was lying on my back, legs straight, arms spread out, like a modern day fat Jesus. I was shot through with whatever kind of unicorn on treadmill-driven magic takes pictures of your guts and pronounced "sprained, but not broken".

But they were wrong. I WAS broken. Broken because I had gone in to the doctor unexpectedly, wearing an old, faded bra with shot elastic and worn out straps and granny panties fit only for heavy flow days and actual visits to my granny. I was insecure, scared, and hurting. I was helped up onto a scale where I was pronounced (more like "announced") to be 5 foot 6 and 223 pounds. Honestly, I didn't feel bad about my stats. I know my body size and am usually cool with it. What I DID feel bad about was an old man, quite a few pounds heavier than I was, it appeared, poking his icy hands into my sidechub and judging my sprained but not broken body as his young, beautiful assistant nodded.

I felt sad. Really sad. Then I felt mad. Really mad. Then I remembered that I am totally fucking awesome. I am a good mother, first rate friend, writer of funny shit, and dead sexy bitch who can rock a work uniform, a bathrobe, a formal dress, or a hospital gown that is open in the back, revealing a five year old bra and some jank ass granny panties and he is lucky as hell to have gotten to poke my delicious muffin top which he was probably only being shitty about because he wanted to butter it and take a bite but he can't because, well, you know... radiation. That's right, bro: sprained, but not broken. Don't you forget it.

*The edit from "lie" to "lay" (my first instinct, by the way) provided by the lovely and not at all weird Siren of Siren Song. Go give her some love and know that she is the most gentle grammar dominatrix, ever. Thanks, Siren!

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Some medical professionals

Mon, 07/19/2010 - 13:23
ShebaJones (not verified)

Some medical professionals forget the "professional" part when dealing with anyone who doesn't fit into their narrow expectations. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I'm glad you shared.

Rock the fuck on.

All I thought was, "Damn!"

Mon, 07/19/2010 - 22:28
I have a huge ass. (not verified)

Before I read this post I saw the picture that goes with it and thought, "Hell yeah!" That photo is so hot! I was admiring my belly fat today. I think it's cute. Stick insect women can be pretty smokin'. I mean obviously. But a little extra muffin top is so sensual. Muffin top will save the world!

What a jerk.

Tue, 07/20/2010 - 00:47
Interesting (not verified)

What a jerk.

Oh Jenn, I'm sorry....

Mon, 04/11/2011 - 22:52

I hated it when my fellow medical professionals would be judgmental about patient's bodies. Highly inappropriate, and there is absolutely no place for it. These patients are at their most vulnerable and are seeking comfort from us, not judgement. It's alway my policy to treat each patient with grace, compassion and dignity. What a bunch of shallow a-holes at that clinic. And brava to you for knowing you ROCK HARD, girl!!!! Love it!!!