Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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I've blogged on several of my sex life consulting sessions and clients. So far I've written mostly on medium to advanced clients who chose to do the guided sex sessions. No posts yet on basics level clients choosing just talk teach ways to learn. They are also represent the majority of my client base. Today's blog is on one of those, also my youngest client ever at 22 years old: Rebecca (name changed).

However, before that, I want to post a misunderstanding I had about the Avanti Bare brand condoms and the Lifestyles Skyn condoms. Both are made with polyisoprene, therefore I said they are safe to use with our Sliquid Organics Natural Lube . A client of mine in California sent me an email this morning linking me to a website, www.condomdept.com, that sold both brands but claimed the Bare's formula apparently contains latex in small amounts. However, the Skyn does not. It is 100% polyisoprene as far as has been advertized by the manufacturer.

Rebecca is located here in NYC and contacted me for my sex life consulting services. About how to do better oral sex for a man, how intercourse could be better for both of them, and maximizing her clitoris' role in her pleasure and orgasms and during intercourse. She has a bit of a shell that she wants to shed. We were talking during our first session at one point about firey things you can say to a man, making your desires very clear in an erotic way with a deeper tone. She liked the hot example statement: "I want to drink the cum out of your dick...." However, she couldn't bring herself to say that, even if she felt it and wanted to do precisely that with her partner. Her firey sex energy was developed, she enjoyed it too, but communicating from that place needed practice. I said that while that isn't the best thing to say right off the bat, unless seduction is the goal, but it does work when you're with a man you trust to take that statement in and love hearing it from you. A relationship-level statement perhaps. I told her that a good way to develop that is imagine yourself saying it to a man you're intensly attracted during masturbation/selfloving.

I then asked Rebecca if she visualized hot sex details and images, feelings, smells, in her mind's eye. She did. That's an important piece for women or men. Betty and I both have met many women, socially and as clients, who do not fantasize/imagine/visualize erotic sex scenarios while going about their days, during masturbation, and also partner sex. Lots of men and women don't fantasize during partner sex even though it can rev things up. The fantasies can be about your partner too! It isn't just for imagining sex that's different from what you're doing and who with. I know that sounds odd, fantasizing about something you're already doing, but try it. Or, fantasize about more firey acts or sex that's off the table that you want to do with your partner. Your lover's still in the fantasy after all. Rebecca liked the sound of that, smiling to herself as she took notes.

First thing Rebecca chose to learn for male pleasure was handjobs using her brand new Silky dildo as our stunt double for the real thing. I started her off with my basic movement, then expanded on it. I saw her hands shaking several times while I taught her that night, but by the end of the evening all the shaking was gone. Rebecca replied, "This is so much fun! Can you come back tomorrow?" Playing with a dildo can be only so interesting, but I knew what she meant. She was learning quickly and excited by her rapid uptake of new sexual skills. That and the unique expereince of having a toy there to practice on and be told when her technique was right on, when it was off, and what to change and why for the sake of the penis' trip to orgasm or dragging the pleasurings out.

I also brought some samples of different vibrators for her to try against her hand to see the range of what's out there. She got my perspective on different vibes and why to use one over another in different moments throughout the sex she's having. Whether a woman wants lighter vibrations or heavier. When she may want them inside her vagina or ass. When she may want one on her clitoris and one or two inside her-- and which ones to use for what. When to enjoy manual and tongue stimulation on her clitoris and when to go vibe. Same for different-sized dildoes and where faux and real cock co-exist in certain kinds of sex.

By our second session, Rebecca was still a little tremulous, but very little. It was completely gone by our third. The second one started her with oral sex skills on the dildo, which I was present for to let her know when her technique was off. Without me there, (or on Skype for a internet video session) she can make quite a few mistakes that she'd be otherwise ignorant of. We practice it together, me like a spotter in the gym or personal trainer telling you how to improve your form. Form and technique are very important in sex. I urge anyone who believes otherwise in all respects to reconsider your position. I promise, you're missing out on incredible physical pleasures and big orgasms. Rebecca got the principle of learning sex technique, integrating it into muscle memory, then once that's done how she can go into it with intense passion which sometimes weakens technique because the person is paying more attention to what's hot for them than what they're doing for their partner's pleasure. It's subtle... you may be having a great time doing things to him or her and it's blazing, but your technique is coming short of the mark. Why choose just passion when you can have both passion and technique. It's like gourmet cooking. You can have the best intentions, but you simply won't be capable of the sex you could be having if you had passion and skill.

I also taught her about how paying very close attention to an advanced sex technique, and not your partner, to be able to do it well for your lover, all the way to orgasm, is a valid method. You don't have to have everything mastered to where you can do it without thinking about it before bringing it to the bedroom. Yes, it wont be as good as a person who can do it without thinking of it, but the pleasure that advanced stuff can do is mindblowing for the receiver. After all, you have to practice. Luckily, it's arguably the best kind of practice in the world. Then one day, it all comes together into passion and mastery. That combination reminds me of Michael Jackson's practiced singing and dancing combined with his intensity and passion while doing it. He was a soft spoken guy, but he screamed, yelled in his singing, he brought it. Go to youtube and watch some of his stuff and you'll get the idea.

Third session, it was time to learn how to integrate more stimulation points. Time to see how to massage a man's prostate. Then, combine that with a favorite handjob style and then blowjob. I used a sex toy to simulate the rectal wall inside a man's bum and held that and the dildo together while she perfected her technique. It was a little challenging at first but then she got it and loved watching how smoothly her hands did it and how good the almond oil worked for blowjobs and oral sex-- almost no flavor. We also talked about how to communicate to men about sex, guide one through accepting sex toys as a book in their erotic library, tone of voice in sex feedback, and much more. Rebecca's loving the sessions and is growing by huge leaps. She'll be enjoying her young sex life with some very powerful and hot ways and means.

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For those new to my blog, I write on my and others' sex life, in erotica form, because many of us need only read of an example of what really is possible. It so often lights a desire to "Want to do that. Feel that." A want to learn how to have better sex through sex advice and sex education, maybe for the first time in their lives. I also intend to present to my readers the reality of great sex at any level of sophistication. I'm not a sex therapist, I don't do sex therapy. I'm a sex life consultant. I teach and I do.