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My position on sex ed in schools is this. I believe sex ed supported by
state funds will always run up against a fight with those who believe
what we'd teach is immoral. It's taxpayer money, they pay taxes too. I
have no problem with those groups believing what they hold dear and
their needs in the community must be balanced along side of those of us
who don't share in their beliefs. If they can't have prayer in school,
then we can't have sex education on a quality level that we'd prefer.

I
think we have no choice but to rely on each parents' right to do sex ed
teaching as their beliefs reflect. Once the kids move out of the house
and they turn 18, then they can start doing their own homework. I've
heard the counter to that is, "What parents are saying isn't helping,
possibly damaging, or most often, non-existant. Or, kids don't want to
do sex talks with parents because it's too uncomfortable. We can't rely
on parents to do sex ed." There is obvious truth to that position,
however, it runs up against what I said before. Stalemate. And kids
keep having unwanted pregnancies in the meantime and STD contact. You
have to privatize it. If a parent(s) want their kids to have a more
comprehensive level of sex ed, then an outside source has to do it
funded with tuition paid by the parents. Another sticky point is what
happens when you start teaching people under 18 about sexual pleasure?
Are you breaking any laws? If not, are you contributing to the chances
of one or more of those kids starting their sex lives before they are
ready emotionally and spiritually to do so? There are some kids who are
ready and responsible and caring enough of their partners to go there
sooner than others. The hard part is knowing who is and who isn't. Or
on another level, are there those that will use the sex pleasure skills
as manipulation tools with peer lovers/partners who aren't ready for
the power of quality sexual pleasure? That's what I think people mean
when they say, "You aren't ready for sex." That sentence should say,
"You aren't ready for partnersex and the very powerful sexual pleasure,
energy, etc. that's shared there." Sex can be fantastically good, even
when it isn't honed and refined, and if something is too good, at the
wrong time or wrong circumstances, it can be a hazard. That volatility of what follows
partnersex pleasure  is what makes the conservative mind recoil and I empathize
with that. To be clear, I fully support solo sex and selfloving for pre-eighteen year-olds. Partnersex is what's different.

I heard once that a child's brain is the last thing to become fully
formed during the growth process. That things like wanting to be
popular, worrying if everyone is looking at you, teens fighting with
parents, the teen things that plague everyone is in one part lack of
experience in broader social settings and how the not yet fully
developed brain deals with life around it. That info was profound for
me when I first heard it. It probably shows some of that "They forgot
what it's like to be a kid," factor in adults. The differences in point
of view due to brain development is fascinating and I'm glad that
reality is acknowledged. Now, try telling that to your teenager. That
their brain isn't all there yet. Now what? Now they can't trust their
own minds? Here's an excellent example of a cold hard fact, a truth,
that most of us turn away from that if we didn't we may have a
different world. So, put the power of partnersex pleasure into the hands of
that not quite yet fully developed brain and you have even more
volatility. When I was a teen, I had a very strong concern for no
pregnancy and also had a emotional concern for the young women I was
with that they enjoy sex and be emotionally available with me during
and after those moments. Why did I have those things? My parents'
messages and my own desires for my partner.

My example shows the
variation in possibility of teen development. It shows that for those
of us who want comprehensive sex ed in schools that there are teens
ready for it and on the other hand, as evidenced from other findings,
there are teens who are not. This stuff is a font of chaos, meaning,
the possibility for predictability is low. That's fundamentally
unsettling. It's also rife with catch-22's both social and personal. If
I were asked what I would do with my kids, my environment in raising
them would be very unique from most households due to how close I am to
sexuality as an adult.

To shorthand it, by the time they were teens and
pre-teens, they would have a ease with their parents having sex
together, and their time set aside for that already in place. They
would rather see their parents loving each other knowing things are
going well than not. I believe, and have researched, that instability
in parents frightens kids more and unsettles their trust in their
parents more than knowing they have good sex. They will also know that
before their parents were parents, they were people just like them too
and still are. I can't stress that enough.
With that already in place, it will be made calmly and soundly clear to
them what they're dealing with when they approach the reality of Sex.
Both it's positive effects on life and its destruction it can render.
They will be taught to discern and have a strong mind in the face of
the overwhelming force of lust, desire, hormones, the want to feel that
pleasure, and the body that's made available to them. Discernment. What
is happening that is a safe form of sexual exchange and what isn't and
staying clear on those things.

There would be lots more, but
discernment is huge here.
When it comes to them learning how to create sexual pleasure, as their
father teaches to adults, that's more dipping into the font of chaos. I
would tell them what I did at their age and what I held dear to steer
me through my desires and needs and responsibility to my partner(s).
That I spent time learning how to do good manual skills: good kissing,
good caressing and massage. Good oral sex skills. Awareness of where
the semen is in the sex equation. All that first, before intercourse.
Would I teach them how to kiss or what sex techniques to do? No. They
have to explore on their own like I did and on their 18th birthday,
they can ask me anything they want if they have the strength to hear it
from their father, and their mother.
It's possible that I have more to say on this huge issue, more
clarifications, but for now I'm putting the pen down. :)

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