Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

• Login
• Join

Search this site:

Hello Eric,

I am a virgin. I have some experience with masturbation and general making out but never have had intercourse. I am reaching my 40's and I was thinking it could be time to try with safe sex. I am overwhelmed and so tense when I tried last time that the male part will not go in at all. Not sure if because my part is so small (due to non use) or if the guy's part is so big I get overwhelmed and nothing will happen....any recommendations? Appreciate your comments.

By the way, what do you think of virginity these days?????

Hello there.

To help solve your penetration frustration, I suggest trying Betty's Vaginal Barbell from our sex shop on the site. I strongly suggest Sliquid Organics Natural Lube we carry as well. I always lubricate the barbell or my condom-covered cock before use in anyone's vagina. Additional lubrication can often help your natural-slick. The barbell is perfect for a vagina that isnt ready for thicker girth and it will feel amazing. Combine it with your favorite clitoral stimulation at the same time, or just move the barbell inside you, concentrate on the sensations, and figure out what you love most. After that, you may want to get the Silky dildo that's on our site as well. It's a good-sized girth and length that you can use to get your vagina open and happy with larger sizes. This approach is also helpful if a woman's male partner has a large penis in comparison to the capacity of her vagina. Vaginal depth and width is just as varied as penis size.

To be complete, however, I will say that a heterosexual woman having a great first time virginity-shedding with a man, without sex toys to open her present beforehand, can be very intimate and rewarding for both; assuming he's a gentle and patient lover. The moment where her hymen and muscles gradually give in to the hard and well-lubricated penis pressing steadily against them can have its magic. Then the transition from challenging feelings to pleasurable, erotic intercourse, with its transformation from pins and needles to melted-chocolate bliss, can be very special. I remember well the images of my past. One where she breathed into the discomfort down below until I'd sunk all the way into her. Then we started to undulate together and on the bottom, she wrapped her arms and legs around me,  drew me whole down into her, and moaned softly over and over. I felt a marvelous enveloped moment, that her being was now larger than mine. The strength of yin, you could say.

It's a good idea to let your partner know, if you dont want to tell him youre a virgin, that you want to start slow and gentle. Your sex toy practice will go a long way in preparing you if you'd rather go that route or if you want vaginal penetration with a dildo as part of your selfloving before you join with a man. Create a way to move smoothly and joyously through that milestone in your life. To choose a path free from trauma or negativity. If it was less than a fond memory, then set a resolution to show your body that there is better, and/or better men, by prioritizing quality sexual pleasure with yourself and your partner(s). A woman could even create and do some fantasy roleplay with a trustworthy partner where she has her perfect night of letting go of her virginity.

-hugs, E. Amaranth

Eric Amaranth's Bio and Feature in Marie Claire Magazine
Eric Amaranth's Blog and Other Writings.
Submit your sex question to Eric.

Follow Eric Amaranth on Twitter

Join Eric Amaranth's Facebook Page
Book a private session
with Eric Amaranth. He is available for private sessions or sex
coaching in nyc and also available for phone and skype consultations
for $1.75 per minute or billed by the hour. To set up an appointment,
send an email or call our automated system: 1-866-877-9676.