The Dynamic Between Two People is What Actually Counts

Mon, 07/08/2013 - 07:50
Submitted by Edgerman58

Life is tough for everyone sooner, or later. You can, however, always find a sadder story, or a more difficult personal struggle. Such is the ubiquitous reality of being a human being.

So, I do not wish to depict my life as having troubles that no one else has on this spinning planet. Instead, I wish to say that, if by merely being a human being, that life is full of difficulties, then being a bisexual in a predominantly heterosexual society can bring with it certain "challenges" that are slightly different from those who avow a "hetero" orientation.

For example, my wife has been aware for quite sometime that I was never really straight. I have known other women married to men with uncertain sexual inclinations; and I have always been intrigued by the various ways they came up with for coping with it. But all I can do here is to refer to what I know best, and that is the way(s) my own wife has confronted the challenges my sexual orientation presented to her.

There are certain times when she and I find ourselves conversing about my sexual orientation. Not often, but occasionally. One such situation took place a few years ago as we drove across the northern tier of the western states of Wyoming, Nevada, Idaho, and Oregon. I don't remember what inspired the conversation (I think it was she who brought it up). I was somewhat reticent at first to go into much detail, but as we talked, I began to be more and more forthcoming; and she seemed eager for me to do so.

In the course of our conversation, I happened to look over at her, the expression on her face, in particular, and I could see an interesting mixture of expressions. Sometimes, she seemed sad, and then, in a matter of seconds, she would seem bright and optimistic; even hopeful and enthusiastic. I put my hand on her leg as I drove along, in a gesture of reassurance and affection.

After a long moment of silence, with nothing but the miles upon miles of Wyoming scrub land, and vivid blue skies, she placed her hand on top of mine, and gave it a slight squeeze. I took a quick glance at her face. She did not return it. Her profile was arresting. It always has been. Yes, it was true that I sometimes found myself erotically attracted to certain men; but, I loved my wife. The quiet atmosphere between her and I, the way our hands lightly touched, the subtle electricity I felt towards her at that moment--- it all added up to something difficult to put into a few words. Here she and I were: a bisexual man; and a straight woman. It was not a likely combination. It certainly wasn't one that was likely to survive; and yet, there we were. We were still together, and still in love!

The dynamic between two people (regardless of gender) is what actually counts. That was what I felt as my wife and I drove quietly across those vast open spaces. I was fully aware that we had both made a lot of difficult choices, and sacrifices(!), to remain together; and touching her hand that day as we drove along, I was glad that she and I had beaten the odds. We had done so, by the simple fact that we wanted to. That is the key. Choice.

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We've had those moments, too

benroe's picture
Mon, 07/08/2013 - 17:43

I'm a man who loves regardless of gender, too, and my spouse and I have been married now for 44 years. We've had those kinds of moments, too. Just a kind of easy-going, yet risky exchange of honest experience and feeling. I've had no same-gender experience over the last 21 years, and have missed it. She has encouraged me when I've tried to be around other males (usually gay or bi ones), and I've become active in a gay men's coming out being support group. That has helped. I've not had much luck in the friends with benefits area, and have prayed that some experience like that would come along and that I would be aware and open to responding to it. That did happen just a couple of weeks ago, and while at one moment it feels like a dream or fantasy, the next I am so very thankful for him and for her. She and I have talked over the years, sometimes a great deal, sometimes casually about the issues: desire, fantasy, jealousy, comparing notes on persons attractive to us both... It has been a wonderful ride to be so open and trusting with each other that we can talk about just about anything. (In contrast to the heart-wrenching arguments in Before Midnight...)
Thank you for your sharing!

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