Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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As I’m edging closer to the possibility that I may have a chance to expand my business, I’ve been considering the many changes I’d like to make. For one, I know I have called myself a role play fetishist, and I’ll still identify as such. But, I want to introduce a new idea into the mix: Adult play.

Here are some of the differences between the two.

Role play implies that you’re playing a stereotype or an archetype – Hooker, schoolgirl, nurse, etc. So, there’s little to no room for individuality.

Adult play leaves us space to create our own characters based not on imaginative fantasies, but on our real life experiences. In other words, unless I actually share a personal intimacy with the uniform, or a personal or intimate memory or experience associated with a fireman, I’m just not going to cream if my male partner dons the helmet and wields his hose around. It’s unrealistic.

This brings me to my next point…

Role play can essentially become boring. It is recommended for the sexually timid who need training wheels for an exciting encounter. Since role play is an one-size-fits-all type of sexual technique (at least it’s advertised in this way), it very rarely relies on passion or drama that is personal and/or unique to the participants.

Adult play is not a technique. It doesn’t always have to do with devout fetishism and it has very little to do with our contemporary perceptions about sexual fantasy. Kinky best describes where adult play lands on the sexuality spectrum. Role play, in this case, is a technique used to re-enact memories or fantasies unique to the players involved.

One example is Chase of the Goddess, which is actually a session (or several sessions) that my client and I explored together. As you can see, it rarely had to do with sex in the way we understand it now, but there are images of sheer desire and excitement in this piece that it is highly erotic. To me, this is quintessential adult play because its an unique experience for my client. It’s his and his alone.

I also call it adult play because in a sexual context, role play regresses us back to its stereotypes of people playing parts vs people playing with one another. Of course, it’s always sexy to see someone being sexual in a sexually suggestive setting. Adult play is what I’ve heard some call intensive role play or psychological role play, although I feel like these terms seem rather aggressive. Either way the distinction is clear that when we begin to think critically about our roles under a sexual context, we’ve transcended to a new level of sexual interaction that can take a very unpredictable turn. Another quality of role play is that it is a safer alternative to letting go and feeling physically and mentally free from judgment of others. In adult play, you might discover some strange desires in your self or your partners, desires you may have not wanted to confront, or don’t know how to.

I think the question lies therein is if some desires are not worth expressing for the sake of losing someone as a close lover, friend, or lifelong partner…