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When I Secretly Identify as a Lesbian, I Feel Like a Fraud When I Inevitably Ogle All the Cute Guys

Sun, 12/26/2010 - 11:30
Submitted by Solo Sexualist

A friend recently told me that he considers me to be bisexual. I violently rejected his analysis.

“I am NOT bisexual!”

“But you get turned on by women.”

“Okay.”

“And watch girl-on-girl porn.”

“So?”

“So I consider you to be bisexual.”

The putz. The huggable, lovable, adorable, yet pretentious putz, thinking he has the authority to label my orientation based on logic.

I like men. I think their penises are the coolest thing ever, I like their husky voices, I adore their shoulder-to-waist ratios, and sometimes I even find their egotistical sense of male-entitlement endearing. I’ve developed a myriad of puzzling crushes on penis-wielding Homo sapiens that I swear began when I was three. On rare occasions, I’ll even be brought to sexual climax fostered by an unlikely scenario involving a phallus (or four). For a million reasons that I cannot explain in coherent statements, when pressed to grab a label, I will choose “heterosexual”.

I should now explain that I masturbate whilst thinking about women every single day (twice on Sundays). Well, that’s not entirely true; oftentimes I’ll masturbate whilst *watching* hot gay-for-pay women of the Viv Thomas variety go at it on the screen of my laptop. Thinking back to my girlhood, I have always been esprised by female bodies and pleasure, and after possibly more than fifteen years of a lesbian lust affair with the female anatomy (I was a very early bloomer), I am no longer counting on it changing. Did I say that I identify as heterosexual?

Because I do. I’ve always felt straight. Well, about as straight as a picture frame that is hung without a level, but still pretty damn straight. I’ll admit that, over the years, I have questioned my own logic on the subject, but thinking I’m hetero is the best I can do right now. When I secretly identify as a lesbian, I feel like a fraud when I inevitably ogle all the cute guys who pass me on sidewalks, sit next to me during exams, and sit across from me during holiday family dinners.

While I know it linguistically doesn’t, the term “bisexual” implies a sort of equal duality that I don’t identify with – my attraction to men and women is different. So while the term “heterosexual” fits me as well as an anorexic supermodel’s mini skirt fits Oprah, it still fits, even if I myself don’t even believe it. And yes, friend-who-called-me-bisexual, I know my self-inflicted labels don’t make much sense, but neither does your World of Warcraft obsession.

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'I'm mostly andro sexual" is

Sun, 12/26/2010 - 14:03
Jake E

'I'm mostly andro sexual" is probably your best label. I prefer verbs to nouns because they're not labels and leave you still an individual with all the rest of your existence to be discovered by other people rather than assumed by them on givingyou a label. Having said that I'm 99.9% gynosexual  (I'd love it to be less uncool but there you are :) Anyway, I'm not an  "a" anything exept "a" human being,
who's life is lived as actions, described mostly by verbs :) 

Sexually Fluid

Sun, 12/26/2010 - 17:22
Adriana Kraft (not verified)

If "bisexual" meant exactly equal attraction to both sexes, I would never claim the label, either. Labeling, itself, is something that troubles me precisely because it creates barriers and inflexibility that doesn't have much to do with sexual attraction and how it functions in the real world. There are a few new terms being tried out that I like a little better - "sexually fluid" is one of them, another I've seen is "flexisexual" which is a nice idea but seems a little cumbersome as a label.
I've seen some nice research reports that suggest especially as women age, we tend to become more inclusive in our sexual orientation. That fits my experience, so I think I'll stick with the term "sexually fluid" for the time being!

my opinion...

Sun, 12/26/2010 - 18:50
Ravi

I think labels of any kind are both limiting and destructive. when will we reach a place where we no longer HAVE to identify with anything. when will we just be able to be who we are when we want to and how we want to? Sexuality is not a constant.it is like water and it changes and moves and it is open to change... yet we are not. I think the label I like the most is simply... "sexual".

Interesting viewpoint.

Mon, 12/27/2010 - 03:36
Forseti

But why do you think secretly identifying as a lesbian while ogling guys would be dishonest, but identifying as straight while ogling women isn't?? That's the epitome of double standard, in my opinion.

Oooh Ravi I agree, nicely

Mon, 12/27/2010 - 22:06
Jake E

Oooh Ravi I agree, nicely put!

I agree

Tue, 12/28/2010 - 11:30
S-Anonymous (not verified)

I agree with Sexual Soloist for the most part. I don't feel guilty about looking at men. And I also don't want to be catorogized as a lesbian. I also don't agree with many things they do. ( just like I don't agree with many things "heterosexual" people do) I still loveeeee men and just about everything that comes with'em. And I lovvveeeee women. I just don't want to be in a relationship with one. That would have to be nervewrecking. To be fair, I am in no traditional relationship with my favorite men either. Still I definitely think I need a woman in my life....in addition to my favorite men. :)

Imo...

Fri, 12/31/2010 - 02:37
Forseti

...labels aren't inherently a problem, but people can make them problematic.

Interesting...

Sun, 01/02/2011 - 05:08
blueberryjuice

I've fantasized about women since I was young. The thing is, my fantasies don't involve me, ever.
Well, with the exception of if I'm fantasizing about a partner and
myself doing something hot. But otherwise my fantasies are always about
made up fictional characters. So, that means that I've never fantasized
about me doing something to another woman. I've never felt a
longing to personally touch a woman. If I give a woman a hand job
someday, I might possibly get something out of it. . . But if I never
play with a woman in my whole life, I won't feel as if I've missed out
on something. I don't crave to touch women's bodies. I don't crave
pussy. On the other hand, I do crave male touch. If I were to go years
without a male sexual companion of some sort, I would feel as if I was
missing something.
So I consider myself heterosexual. My fantasies
span the range of human behaviour, from every gender, race, group,
etc... but my sexual orientation is based on who I actually want to have
romance and sex with.

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