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Support Women & Sex By Answering Dr. Cristina Bellodi's Survey

Tue, 08/24/2010 - 22:00
Submitted by Carlin Ross

Update: over 600 women have answered the survey.  We're going for gold and looking to have 1,000 women respond.

Dr. Cristina Bellodi has posted an online survey on Women & Sex. Please support her research on female sexuality - take a few moments and answer her survey questions. She's an amazing woman and our goal is to have 600 women respond because...in her own words:

As an academic, I have read many articles and reports that assert that a high percentage of women do not have much of a sex drive, the most recent dating 2010. Women who do not wish to have sex as often as their partners are labeled ‘dysfunctional' and sometimes prescribed drugs with considerable side effects. As a woman, I have always felt uncomfortable with such labeling, and wondered whether there could be another way to help women with low libido. I feel that it is absurd to assess women on a paradigm designed on a male "performance model" of sexuality.

 For women, sex is often not just a pleasant physical act, but also an emotional experience that engages a woman's mind and spirit. More research needs to be done on women's desire, their attitudes to pleasure and towards their own bodies, and the ways in which they perceive sex with a partner. Only once we have a wide range of research that helps us define how women perceive pleasure, and good sex, will we be able to understand what ‘low libido' really means, and what its causes are. This survey is part of such a stream of research.

Sex, Politics & More Sex

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I just filled out this very

Wed, 08/25/2010 - 14:27
Deera (not verified)

I just filled out this very worthwhile survey. During the last years of my 15-year marriage, I thought that I had a "low libido.' I was not interested in having sex with my husband, but my fantasy life was still pretty hot. When I could find the time to be by myself, I was still masturbating to orgasm about twice a week. I would still have sex with my husband, but it was to only please him.

Now that I am single again, I have reevaluated my sexuality. I have discovered that I am sometimes attracted to women. Also, I realized that I am not monogamous. I do need to have a connection with someone in order to be interested in partner sex. I don't need a commitment. I am not after a long-term relationship. But the most interesting thing of all is I realized, looking back at my marriage and past relationships, that I have always been this way. I think that women look to society, religion, and the media to define who we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to want. I don't know why this is so. I know that I had a lot of unlearning to do while also trying to figure things out .

I don't think women necessarily have "low libidos." As girls mature, the development of their authentic selves, sexual and otherwise, seems to get stunted. Most women appear to be stuck in the same pattern they were in at puberty. For myself, I didn't begin to be who I really am until my mid-thirties. Every woman is a unique individual and what turns on one woman may not turn on another. I also think that if more women felt comfortable bringing themselves to orgasm every time they had partner sex, everyone would be a little happier. Most. women want orgasms. I know this woman does.

Thank you Deera. I agree

Thu, 08/26/2010 - 09:38
Cristina Bellodi (not verified)

Thank you Deera. I agree with you, growing up, we are overwhelmed by ideas from the media, religion, and our social circles, and this stunts our ability to grow. it happens for a lot of reasons. when we are young we often feel under pressure to conform, for example, and sometime we don't realise how much our inner selves are buying into our comformity. also, the idea of the passive woman who would go through anything for her man/for love and is swept away in romance is very much glamorised by the media: it is easy to fall for beautiful images and happy endings, especially when they are made to look so good and enticing. (think of the popular "Friends", which ran for 9 seasons, i think, and in the UK is constantly being repeated: all three women ended up getting married!! was that really necessary??)

reality is different, and the key is realising that we can be happy inhabiting a reality that is not like the latest romantic blockbuster. in fact, a lot of us get happier when we finally realise how to inhabit our bodies comfortably, giving ourselves pleasure (however it works for us), listening to what our inner self really needs.

and as for low libidos, i agree with you, in my experience libido is something that can fluctuate over time, depending on a number of reasons (for example, too much stress at work, a relationship that's not working...) - these reasons are often contingent to elements outside us, that can be changed or worked with: low libido is not our 'fault', but often an effect of external conditions or pressures. learning to view pleasure and sex in a more positive way, and working to change the external conditions that inhibit us, is often a good way to regain a healthy libido.

I'm interested in seeing the

Sun, 09/12/2010 - 23:43
KK (not verified)

I'm interested in seeing the results of the survey!

I agree with Deera

Fri, 09/17/2010 - 22:01
Q (not verified)

I'm a 17-year-old girl and I completely agree with everything Deera said about not needing commitment, not being monogamous, etc. I recently found this site and my views on sex, relationships and life in general have totally changed. Before I thought I was a freak for not really feeling the need to have a boyfriend or for having "strange" fantasies and so on. I constantly stressed about the future; sometimes I wasn't even sure whether life was worth living. I criticised myself all the time. I looked at myself through everyone elses eyes, except my own. It was like I was saying sorry for my existence and trying to make amends by all means. In fact my well-being was based on what an other person (usually a guy) thought of me. Now all that has changed. I have realised that this life I'm leading is mine, and I can do whatever I want with it. I don't have to get married if I don't want to. I don't have to have children if I don't want to. I can have beautiful sex with people and I don't have to want to marry them. I can enjoy life the way I want and not feel guilty about it. I can be who I want to be. I feel liberated.

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