Lady Madonna

Thu, 11/02/2017 - 15:34
Submitted by Carlin Ross

In a recent interview, Paul McCartney shared that this 1965 National Geographic image was the inspiration behind the song, Lady Madonna:

“Sometimes you see pictures of mothers and you go: ‘she’s a good mother’. You could just tell there’s a bond and it just affected me, that photo. So I was inspired to write Lady Madonna, my song, from that photo.”

It's so rare that we see strong imagery of motherhood.  The connection between this mother and the baby at her breast and the boy smiling up at her - there's nothing more moving or powerful. 

Grayson is 2.5 and I've never been as challenged, as strategic, or as firmly rooted in the ground. There's a certain threshold you cross when you have young dependent on you for survival. If our culture elevated motherhood and paid us equal wages, imagine how strong the next generation of mothers would be...and the beautiful human beings who would be in this world.

Editor in Chief & Keeper of All Things Betty Dodson

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Fatherhood

Sun, 11/05/2017 - 05:28
NorthLondonHousewife

& as well as a scarcity of strong images of motherhood, we see fathers airbrushed out of images of the parent-child relationship entirely, as if irrelevant past conception.
No one died and thought they should spend more time at the office: the relationships we build and maintain are one of the most import parts of our lives, yet women are denied strength and men denied even a prescence in images of one of the key relationships we have. 

Isn't that more than a little odd?

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Tue, 11/07/2017 - 15:21
???? feminist indignation ???? (not verified)

Thank you North London, I’ve been missing your and Lizzie
Smith’s stark commentary!

What a beautiful photograph of connection, the hardships of parenting conveyed therein and in Carlin’s hard felt experiences of parenthood. By stereotype half the family is missing and by some cultural manifestation that’s OK. For sure a newborn knows the voice of the father just as the mother’s or the bark of the family dog. Just as the flooded nature of parental multi tasking does not rest solely with the female nor does clear headedness reside with the similarly flummoxed
male.

Understanding the neurobiology of what bonds us hopefully at long last might be becoming more important than learning ideology. John Bowlby a rather austere British aristocrat raised by a nanny stumbled on what was to become attachment theory when study children separated during the blitz from their families. Read mothers as fathers we deployed, killed or stereotypically austere. Despite the fact men’s rights groups attack Bowlby’s work as sexist; ironically he is the father of the importance of fathers in children’s lives. His research is why parents are now allowed to see their hospitalized children.

It is learning from family, mothers, fathers, dogs, siblings, grand fathers, grand mothers, and neighbors that attachment is safe that babies’ brains develop into adults more likely to be compassionate and responsible members of community.

We owe so much to those who can model safety in connection, care and compassion to allow our brains to grow so that we can pass that love on to the next generation. Note: the absence of social rank or gender from that statement.

Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

Connections

Sun, 11/12/2017 - 12:42
NorthLondonHousewife

& Feminist Indignation, it's wonderful to hear your voice, to enjoy your wonderful energy and positive attitude.

The connections we make with people in life, define us as people, whether that's families born or made, or friends along the journey. 

Re-connecting fem.indign, NLH, NH, etc...

Tue, 11/28/2017 - 03:56
Lizzie Smith

This is totally off topic, just to say:
I miss your caring voices, too, feminist indignation, NLH, Mr. Nowhard & the rest of the inofficial long-time staff of D&R comments section. 
I love to read of your expertise on the attachment process fem.indign. How important it is to remind ourselves of our archaic, instinctual quality as living beings whose brains and physical functions need the stimulation of safe and caring attachment connections daily, throughout our entire life.
Unfortunately, as we know, these warm and compassionate connections may never have developed properly for some of us. They may leave us in distress from time to time when close relationships break down, and we are on our own left with our inadequate attachment-abilities to cope. 
Encouragement is then most welcome. An inspiring pep talk with a few hallelujahs can put a smile on anyone's face and make our day: Yes, it's all right, I'm ok. I'm doing ok. Good. :)
L.S.

Reflecting NLH & LS - On shaping community to human neurobiology

Sat, 12/02/2017 - 14:51
???? feminist indignation ???? (not verified)

Thank you NLH and Lizzie Smith for the reflections about hearing a positive voice in my remarks. When writing those words I wondered a lot about how they would be received. Would people hear it as pejorative or more to the point would Carlin take offence

because she seems so absorbed by the importance of motherhood? It’s

overwhelming; having walked in parents’ shoes having the experience of child

birth and the realization of the desire to create an environment healthier than

our parents created for us. It is through that lens, I have been hearing

Carlin. The relief as always is know how the words were received as we can then

have the invitation to work to be heard the way we want to be. So my words were

intended to speak to the all inclusive nature of communal environment that

nurtures our humanity and the survival of our species of community.


As parents specifically and as community members generally it is important to remember we

do the best with what we have at that point in time. There is a tendency to

judge either ourselves or others most harshly when if fact we are just trying

to do the best that we know how. We know community often fails as Lizzie points

out by saying “these warm and compassionate connections may never have

developed properly for some of us.” It’s more like universally true we all have

attachment injuries to varying degrees. More disturbing we continue to both

receive and inflict them. Each culture has it’s own very loving and well

meaning quirks, Carlin it seems grew up in a very loving but austere fearful

separated environment.
Natasha


http://www.dodsonandross.com/blogs/natasha/2015/01/how-attachment-parenting-my-children-taught-me-self-love


describes a very different environment when living with the Maasai in the Rift Valley. Lizzie and I are old enough that if we have older siblings they might have been left to cry in cribs thinking that would make them strong and independent - read attachment injury. So it is not

just religion, parental temperament, alcohol, the devil fear, but ideology

which harms us before we can crawl or talk. We survive not as the “fittest” or

“most worthy” as the libertarians preach but because we depend on our

dependence on others. Without dependence we wither, alone, like those
kids in hospital deprived of their attachment

figures.


      The way I hear NLH and Lizzie about attachment; is by knowing the things that were unknown to our parents, but are known to the Maasai we can alter the way we perceive

ourselves and support attachment in community. Carlin and her young husband

have opportunities if they turn away from; fearing the evil invasion of the

body, individualistic, libertarian, separatists thoughts to embracing human

neurobiology as god made it and it is still practiced by the Maasai near the

Olduvai Gorge which cuts through rock layers reveling our evolution from the

remains of hominins' communities between 1.9 and 1.7 million years ago. That is

to say embrace our neurobiology and an eye for an eye culture is les likely to

develop.


      As citizens we just do the best we can. Our failures are not for lack of love or well meaning. No need to blame or shame, we do the best we can with what we have and know at

that point in time.  


      Understanding our  attachment needs, how our bodies react when those needs are met or unmet increases the likelihood we as dissimilar people can create a more connective

supportive community for the benefit of ourselves and our offspring. Let us

shape our culture and community to match our evolutionary neurobiology.


      Our failures are not for lack of love or at least that is how I hear NLHw, L.S. and Carlin:

The connections we make with people in life, define us as people,

whether that's families born or made, or friends along the journey.” And. “How

important it is to remind ourselves of our archaic, instinctual quality as

living beings whose brains and physical functions need the stimulation of safe

and caring attachment connections daily, throughout our entire life.” And

“Grayson is 2.5 and I've never been as challenged….”


      Maybe not off topic? Lizzie, glad to hear you are doing ok, , Hallelujah, cheers.