Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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When you haven't had a real period in 15 years, going back to your regular menstrual cycle is intimidating.  I had these images of soaked through tampons, excruciating cramps, and bad acne - I bought in to all those motrin ads.

I didn't know when I was going to get my period.  It was kind of exciting in a way...not being in control of my body.  I made sure I had tampons in every purse and in every medicine cabinet and waited.  God, I hadn't done that counting days - when will I start bleeding thing - in decades.  It made me feel like a teenager.

I thought about all our posts on menstruation - Virgin's post about free bleeding - Ariel's post "With Blood Comes the Truth".  When I posted these pieces to the site, I did feel a pang of regret, a feeling of cowardice.  I was afraid not to be on hormones that controlled my cycle with the utmost precision predicting the exact hour I would commence and cease bleeding.  3 day periods were great.  Now I would be dependent on nature...on my body...on me.

I did the math and figured out that I would have my first period the second week in April.  The irony of the timing isn't lost on me.  Right after my birthday - after I'd defined a big boundary in my life - I woke up to my period.  There wasn't any cramping.  There weren't any mood swings.  This amazing sense of peace had descended on me and the blood symbolized my release. 

When you're on the pill, you never ovulate.  So when you get your period it's all dark brown spotting like when you're pregnant.  This was bright, red blood.  It was beautiful in color.  My body had been going through several weeks of upheaval to finish with a healing marked by blood.  It felt pure and right and honest.  I hadn't been honest with myself, my body, or anyone else in my life for so long that I'd almost forgotten how good it feels to be you.  No more placating, no more protecting egos, no more trying to please.

I feel great.  I feel like I have a new lease on life.  It sounds trivial but loading my body up with hormones masked my true self.  My mind is clear, my orgasms are off the scale amazing, and I love my life.   

It took 38 years to get here but f*ck it I'm here.

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