Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

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Sex is everywhere in the UK. Yet it is still a taboo subject. we still have throw back beliefs and attitudes from the Victorian era. Sad really. As a psychosexual therapist and sex educator I come across attitudes like this a lot.

this year I will be putting together sex ed workshops for anyone 18 and above. We will look at sex from the basic to the bizarre. They will be fun and informative. nothing like this in the UK yet.

Look out for sexpositive.co.uk soon

I remember reading about GE's awful experience in the community section of the site and I'm very glad she's found comfort and help here; it's always heart-warming reading things like this. However, I personally can't say I've found sex to be a taboo subject here. Sex, male and female masturbation and sexual orientation were all discussed when I was at school and the majority of people I've been surrounded by haven't considered the subject a no-go area.

That said, everyone's different and I'm sure there are plenty of people who still hold prudish Victorian views, but I tend to find these to be the older generation (such as my grandparents, with whom I would never discuss sex, but they grew up with parents who actually were born in the Victorian era). With taoi above being a psychosexual therapist and sex educator, however, she'll/he'll have encountered a lot more attitudes regarding the subject than I have.

I'm just trying to say that the UK isn't all prudish Victorian attitutdes, because it isn't at all, nor is it an entirely liberal thinking place either. The workshops mentioned above sound like a great idea and will hopefully open up the minds of some people, because given what GE went through, that clearly needs to be done.

You know I am willing to bet that plenty of the girls that shamed you for masturbation are not all prudish and victorian about sex. I remember in high school during truth or dare one of my friends asked me if I masturbated and I said yes. It sparked this discussion where some admitted it and others were completely grossed out. Since then I have found there are people out there who love sex but still get squeamish about masturbation for some reason. I don't think it's a negative attitude about sex as much as it is a negative attitude about our relationship to out own bodies. I think it's fear of their own genitals...it's all linked of course. We gt increasingly detatched from taking care of our bodies, we leave it to doctors, personal trainers and nutrionist diet experts and we leave our pleasure to our lovers. It's rubbish. We need to be the expert on ourselves...we need to know, love and trust our bodies better. Betty is right, musturbation is the foundation of being able to do that in many respects. If we shame masturbation we alienate ourselves from ourselves. No wonder so many people are depressed. 

GE, I'm sorry you were treated so cruelly. People who are cruel to others by judging them are "projecting". They're trying to punish someone else for tendencies or desires that they are unable to accept in themselves. They hope to feel better about themselves by making another person feel awful. It doesn't work that way.

In my health care work, I once saw a shy young woman who, hoping to be better liked, had sex with several boys at a party. Horrendously, someone filmed her and maliciously sent copies to everyone in her school. She was devastated when she was mocked and despised by her peers as a "slut". She was in fact a very nice young woman who had done NOTHING wrong except to look for acceptance in ways that turned out to be unwise.

Masturbation is taboo in our culture because Western religions have a pathological hatred of the body, human sexuality, and pleasure itself. Masturbation is a totally normal, positive, healthful, and NECESSARY part of human sexual development. There is nothing more helpful to our sexual growth and self-knowledge---and nothing more natural. Given the sicknesses in our society, we have to expect that some amongst us will have had their minds poisoned against healthy sexuality, and consequently may be harshly judgemental towards others. If we're the target, it can be very painful. But as you've found here, there are also many people who are sane, kind, and compassionate---both in general and about sexuality.