Am I Less of a Woman Because Penetration is Painful?

Thu, 06/29/2017 - 08:10
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I'm 17 years old and I'm now in a committed relationship (of 2 years) to where I feel ready and comfortable enough to engage in sexual activities and I am dying to take it to the next level, penetration! I was super excited to try this with my girlfriend (and even a bit nervous of course).

We bought a strap-on and when the time came to do the do, it wouldn't go in! It was extremely painful, but we took our time and slowly got it not even half way in but I was determind to get this thing in me one way or another. As it went depper it was getting more and more painful and burning terribly, and all the while my girlfriend kept encouraging me to keep trying and that it was normal to be that painful the first time, but it just didnt feel right to me.

I should mention that I was sexually abused at the age of 11 and I feel it may have something to do with that, because the thought of something entering my vagina is actually terrifying to part of me and for the longest i couldn't even be fingered because it wa spainful. Dont even get me started on tampons! So, I did some research and discovered the condition "vaginismus" and I felt sad and happy that this is something that can be fixed, but I want an experts opinion before I go diagonsing myself.

I feel ashamed and weak for not being able to do the one thing that all girls are supposed to be able to do. I feel hopeless and I just want answers and to be told, "hey, youre not any less of a girl because you cant do this."


Hopless Girl

Dear Hopeless Girl,

The clitoris is your primary sex organ for pleasure and the vagina is the birth canal. We recommend that every girl practice vaginal penetration with herself FIRST. A dildo has no sensation and your GF can only visually gage whats happening.

It's important to be turned on FIRST with a lot of clitoral stimulation and to use copious amounts of organic massage oil before penetration takes place.

I have always found that while a strap on is visually exciting, the person wearing it has a minimum of control. For first time penetration, YOU need to be in control. Practice by yourself first and have a very hot fantasy in mind beforehand. Start with a very small dildo not much bigger than two fingers. Good quality silicone is advisable and LOTS of organic massage oil for your vagina and her dildo.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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I too have vaginismus. Or

Tue, 07/11/2017 - 20:23
neamstutz (not verified)

I too have vaginismus. Or should say "did" as I've recovered from it. You are definitely not any less of a woman. I've been there and had those feelings. I understand. But you can't listen to those negative thoughts. You're still a desireable woman. And you can get better. Buy some vaginal dilators. Most come with a book that teaches you how to use them. If you can't completely improve just with those, talk to your doctor and discuss seeing a physical therapist. And if your pain seems like more than just tightness you might have vulvodynia too. I had both. But that can be treated too. It can get better. I was hopeless too but now I've overcome it. You can too. Don't give up.