Need Help Explaining to BF How to Touch My Clitoris?

Wed, 02/22/2017 - 08:38
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I have been masturbating since a very young child, and thanks to you have progressed from rubbing up against surfaces to touching myself with porn to now preferring my own fantasies with some coconut oil and penetration - these orgasms I have on my own are great! I am 19 years old and am in my first serious relationship. My boyfriend and I have been having sex for 2 months now, and so far has been a good experience.

He's very good with always bringing and using condoms so I don't need to go on the pill, and is good with foreplay. However, despite the sex feeling great, I have only orgasmed with him twice when he was giving me oral sex. And these were not nearly as good as the orgasms I continue to have on my own! He however cums every time, and I sometimes feel jealous. He does stimulate my clit, but not as much as I need and not with the slow penetration I like.

How do I get more brave and communicate exactly what I want? I have tried moving his hand there but he only plays with my clit for a few seconds then goes back to my breasts or arse (which turns me on but won't get me to orgasm!) I have even faked it a few times which I don't want to do anymore.

Would really like your advice on this!

Many thanks!

Dear M, It took me forever to finally speak up and tell my BF how I wanted my clitoris touched. The first time I sounded like a drill Sargent, not at all what I intended. With the next one, I got better BUT I finally figured out to just take control of my own clitoris like he controlled his penis.

While we were fucking, I simply reached down and began stimulating my clit like when I masturbated and it was so easy. It makes sense! Men are controlling how the penis moves and we can do the same with how we stimulate our clits.

Dr Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Thu, 02/23/2017 - 20:42
horsechildbreakfast (not verified)

She's asking how to communicate how she likes her clit touched, and your advice is essentially, don't even bother; just take charge of it yourself? That doesn't seem very helpful. 

I know it can be tricky to

Fri, 02/24/2017 - 09:23
Jera (not verified)

I know it can be tricky to tell menn what to do (they are kinda thick in theirs skull sometime there). But maybe just tell him openly if he can stimuly longer on your clit, and that it would make you very happy if he did.
If not that working, bring a vibrator and do it yourself. Guys don't always know that much about how to do these things, even the ones who have had sex for decades even. So either a person have to teach or take matters into own hands.

A keeper?

Tue, 02/28/2017 - 10:20

Your boyfriend and you have been having reproductive sex, ie. practising for making babies for the last couple of months, which happens to be perfect for his orgasm and not for yours. 

There is a whole range of sex out there that you could explore together, so is he willing to look beyond making babies, and find a way of sex that works for both of you? The easiest way of introducing him to your masturbation technique is to show him with some mutual masturbation "show and tell". If you can learn fellatio, he can certainly learn cunnilingus and both of you can learn what touch works best with each other.

As a general rule, "the lady comes first" is old fashioned but well-mannered advice all young men should learn.

& if he isn't willing to move beyond straight vanilla sex for babies, then he's not really a "keeper" long term. Selfishness in sex is always accompanied by selfishness in other parts of life.