I Need to Practice Delaying Ejaculation. Should I Cheat or Masturbate?

Thu, 12/29/2016 - 09:03
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

Throughout my 18 year marriage with my wife I've been a premature ejaculator (it's been really hard for both of us). The thing is is that I get turned on so quickly (every time I embrace my wife and give her a kiss there's a stirring in my pants - I never have a cuddle without becoming erect (and it's embarrassing to be honest - perhaps it would be less so if I could avoid cumming after 1 or 2 minutes inside her).

I have found that using a delay cream helps and makes sex last a lot longer and much more enjoyable.

The only thing is that she recently had a coil fitted (we were using condoms for a while, which is convenient as that stops her from getting the cream inside her).. now she has a coil she gets grumpy if I want to use the delay cream as I have to put on a condom - or do it in advance & then wash it off before fucking.

Once we get fucking she turns into a beast and it scares me (because it is so difficult not to cum when you're fucking someone who is that horny - yes I get terrible performance anxiety.. )

I love going down on her but she never sucks my cock (maybe 5-10 times in 19 years of knowing each other) We talked about masturbation and there's nothing anyone can tell her that she doesn't know already (apparently).. she doesn't want to play with toys or do fantasy.. and I do, because that counters my anxiety.. how can I get her to be a bit kinky / playful?

I don't want to cheat on her 'for practice' - it's just that she loses control when she goes for it - it's all or nothing with her ... do you think I should go fuck a call girl for practice - or just practice masturbation? I feel like I'm still 14..(I'm 46, 2 kids).

Yours curiuously,
J

Dear J, this is my most FAQ. Sexual incompatibility is a bitch and the fact that you are a fast ejaculatory dude doesn't help. There are women who prefer a man to come fast and get it over with. Others who love to fuck. And of course those women who would do very well without sex altogether.

Since this has been going on for 19 years I say do all that you desire. Your situation leaves you no real alternatives when it comes to a sex hating wife and your fast comes remain. Masturbate for sure, have a massage with a happy ending, and have sex with as many women as you can. Simply tell her about your plan. Get some sex toys for your masturbation. Consult with my protege Eric Amaranth to learn better masturbation skills. You must take some sort of action rather than just continuing to endure a sexual situation that frustrates both your wife and yourself. CHANGE GROW QUESTION CREATE A NEW YOU.\\

Dr Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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If I was you

Thu, 12/29/2016 - 13:33

I'd not bother to try and delay your ejaculation. Just continue to cum at a time that your libo wants to and enjoy yourself. Wether that's 2 mins or 10 secs. Your wife can cum from her clit so there's no worry about her having orgasms either. Appreciate your diferences, chill out and enjoy yourselves. 

It depends on how STD risk averse you are when it comes to seeing a sex professional. If you are risk averse, don't do it, enjoy creative masturbation. Or persue a hygene safe all dressed in rubber type kink. 

Though you might be in the 1st stages or seeking pastures new or being Poly. It's hard to say not meeting either of you in person and just reading one email. 

Edgeing

Mon, 01/02/2017 - 08:29
ManCan1 (not verified)

Dear J
I would set some time for myself to edge and to learn how to come close and then stop. To edge for 1 hour or more. It gives a sense of knowing oneself and power. Then I would be a bit less close to her when she is too hot so that you can enjoy longer the time together.
best,
MC1

Hi I like Bety's way of doing

NOWHARD's picture
Wed, 01/04/2017 - 04:29

Hi I like Bety's way of doing it, that way its more fun. two naked body's in a warm room chuck in some wine get relaxed and enjoy what happens for both of you.

But is more about our brain, it gets ahead of what you really want your body to do, and sorry there is noway back unless your wife uses the squeeze method to try and hold you back  and she needs good warning its on its way.

Now one drastic way is good old stinging nettles, you just get a bunch of nettle heads, and work them round your gland and frenulum, it will go numb but dont worry in an hour it comes back, its a great feeling when that happens, and slowly if you can do it twice a week things will become better for you and your sex life.

NOWHARD

Explore yourself, nurture and develop your ejaculation

martiB's picture
Sun, 01/08/2017 - 14:13

You are not alone. I totally agree about edging and also make time to masturbate regularly. But rather than just grabbing on and stroking till you cum, stroke a little, surf a little, even chat a little with a friend, then stroke a little more.  Do this over and over till your semen is just runing over and down your shaft.  Extend your stroking and mix it with a variety of other stimulation such as porn and chatting with other like-minded masturbators out there who can provide so much support and engouragement these days.

You would be suprised how many men there are now with similar need out there masturbating any given moment in social, suportive groups, who chat with each other. Hetero men with other hetero men as well as the traditional men with women who enjoy masturbating with good conversation.

A growing number stretch their sessions into hours a day edging so it is not just the goal of ejaculating but the journey and pleasure along the way.  When done long and often enough, it can really improve and extend your ejaculation.

My own current boyfriend began masturbating like this years ago on my suggestion and the rewards have been great for both of us.  After about an hour of edging his cock his erection gets so tall and stiff and just starts running over with semen. From then on it's like a slow motion perpetual ejaculation for him. He sometimes regrets a full ejaculation since it all cums to and end so he liked to stretch it for hours sometimes. It has reignited his love for sexual stimulation and masturbation.

His sexual urge and ejaculation is just so strong now and has benefited both our pleasure.  Masturbation can be so amazing when done right and with time and patience.

Martha b

how wonderfull that you care

Mon, 01/09/2017 - 11:37
peter mellor (not verified)

how wonderfull that you care so much for your partner , i have looked for almost a life time for a person who would care for me like that x

Delay Ejaculation

Fri, 08/11/2017 - 09:13

It is quite natural for men that they are facing quick ejaculation problems while during sex. Therefore, before having sex they used to take the help of masturbating to delay ejaculation. But this is not the permanent solution for us, we definitely need professional for delay ejaculation, so that we can easily improve our sexual satisfaction and experience.

Ejaculation Control and Edging

Fri, 08/11/2017 - 12:01

I find that when my wife and I of many years do have sex, it is quite good but I often cum too quickly. Long gone are the days when we'd screw for up to an hour in different positions.
So in recent years I masturbate solo almost daily and find that if I have masturbated at least 6-12 hours before we screw, that I can maintain my control better and pump her more rigourously with a stiff cock. The Viagra helps too!
When I am edging, which I really love doing, I can keep from cumming for several hours of off and on cock play. This is not only very pleasurable, it does help train my mind/penis to know how and when to stop or slow down the wonderful sensations I'm experiencing.
My wife knows I masturbate, but she has little idea how much I do it nor the length of my edging sessions.
We have masturbated together and  enjoyed it but I'd love to share more masturbation, edging and kinks with her. I think she'd find it all too "weird". 

Hi See if this helps you, for

NOWHARD's picture
Sat, 08/12/2017 - 09:09

Hi See if this helps you, for some better and harder erction, a good cockring could be a winner for you as me I have a hardwear ice, works for me and get some real good boners.

Next get over to www.pegym.com on there start you way into gaining some extra cock, by exercising, the added bonus is your be getting some extra blood down your penis, all very helpful for getting better erctions, your find also a very good site for getting some extra help.

Have a look on the exercise and health forum, your find NOWHARDS MIX, this mix is aimed at our blood, get your blood working right and your 2/3 of the way to getting better erctions, mix that withexercising and edging, your soon be back to your old self. OK

NOWHARD

Dear westcoaststroker, I

Mon, 08/21/2017 - 12:56
Martha B (not verified)

Dear westcoaststroker, I think it's wonderful you are taking time to edge when you masturbate. Definitely keep that up not only for the benefits but for your own pleasure which should not be trivialized. Having a strong urge and interest in your own pleasure and cock is the base for listing for an d wanting to satisfy a partner. I suggest masturbating to ejaculation in the morning and give yourself no more than 6 to 8 hrs to recover before having intercourse.  Then, if you can hold back just once and let thing cool down, you may be on your way to extended intercourse like you desire.
If you have truely practiced long edging sessions as you say, you should be physically capable and should not fear.
Keep edging and masturbation for the sake of both of you.

masturbate without cumming, paired sex with full body orgasm

Fri, 08/25/2017 - 06:30

Hombre J, You may want to check out my book, The Rejuvenating Power of Masturbation, (available at B & N, Amazon Kindle, and www.therpom.com) which elaborates about the health benefits of edging orgasms as well as practices to channel sexual energy. You can also find many blogs I've written on this topic for D & R (I'm Bila Kolbe). Bottom line, by masturbating with edging orgasms, and refraining from ejaculating, you will effectively train yourself to better control your ejaculatory response. I would suggest you masturbate/edge orgasms without cumming and save the orgasmic crescendoes for your intimate escapades with your wife. This way, your wife will receive the health benefits of your semen(vitamins, minerals, aminoacids, enzymes, hormones, cancer-fighting agents, etc.) and you too will receive the same benefits while refraining from ejaculating while masturbating, a win-win situation.

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