New BF Wants Me to Squirt

Mon, 11/28/2016 - 08:51
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty and Carlin,

I'm in my 40's and just getting back out there after my 25 year marriage ended. My sex life with the ex was not too exciting. A new guy I've been seeing for a few months is more adventurous sexually (I took a tip from Betty and went out with a younger guy LOL). Anyhow, this guy seems obsessed with getting me to "squirt" and even makes me feel like there's something wrong with me because I can't pull it off.

I don't know much about it, I pretty much thought it was a "stunt" done in adult movies to make guys think they are "big studs" for making a woman ejaculate. Am I right to be ambivalent about this? Frankly it seems like a big mess more than anything.


Dear R, Congratulations on re-entering the sexlual marketplace. You assessment of female ejaculation is correct. Frankly, I have disliked the whole G spot idea because it took us back into our vaginas looking for a magic spot. Meanwhile the clitoris was relegated to a back seat. No, no, no! It is our primary organ for pleasure.

Unfortunately your young man is a victim of porn. Like the man pulls out so we can SEE his ejaculation, the woman Squirts so we can see her come. Only squirting is NOT the same thing as having an orgasm. It can accompany an orgasm that engages the clitoris but squirting alone is not an orgasm. And you are correct, it leaves a awful mess that the woman has to clean up..

So tell your young man "squirting" is passe. Only women who fake orgasms are doing it. So he's being fooled by porn. Send him to D&R for solid info on female sexuality. And then stand your ground.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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I disagree

Wed, 11/30/2016 - 08:40
Belle (not verified)

Hi Betty,
Although I've been an admirer of yours for many years, I have to disagree with you on this one.   
I am a squirter.  I just taught a squirting workshop a few weeks ago.  I and another woman demonstrated how we squirt and orgasm. We weren't faking anything. 
Years ago I thought I was just peeing myself when I was really excited by a male lover. Then I read Susie Bright's Lesbian Sex World and had a revelation. When my girlfriend had her hand inside me I was squirting, not peeing! I experienced the same thing a few years later with a male lover who after getting me very excited by licking my clit, pushed a couple of fingers inside me and was very pleasantly surprised to have his face flooded. No faking there either.
It bothers me that this woman's BF makes her feel inadequate because she can't squirt. That's a red flag for sure. If she does want to learn however, it seems to take relaxation, intense arousal and practice.  Have a look at Reddit, Fetlife or The Squirt Project for more resources.
As for making a mess, there are now wonderful waterproof pads made especially for messy sex, that either of us (not just the female) can throw in the washer.
Squirting is a powerful reaction to intense stimulation. Not every woman can do it, or even want to do it. But for many of us, squirting is a delightful part of our sexual repertoire.

Anon, I'm 23 and I squirt and

Fri, 12/02/2016 - 14:51
Larissa (not verified)

Anon, I'm 23 and I squirt and I'll tell you that I fucking HATE squirting. As Betty said, it is NOT an orgasm. I hate it so much that I have been desperately looking for ways to make it stop. I have tried  going hours without drinking water and I still end up squirting and it's suuuch a pain in the ass to have to clean up every time! In fact, knowing that I squirt every time I penetrate myself makes me not even want to masturbate anymore because I hate the mess. I have trouble orgasming and I squirt every time and hardly have an orgasm. I am jealous of women who can't squirt. So educate your bf about this squirting fantasy bullshit.

Guys, my opinion is that you

Tue, 03/07/2017 - 07:01
LilieL (not verified)

Guys, my opinion is that you are discussing some obvious things. First of all, take into consideration that this is all biology only. It's no point liking it or hating.
biology topic paper writer at


Thu, 04/13/2017 - 21:42
DebbieBee (not verified)

Big fan of your work Betty! In my experience, squirting is very real and most of the time, very pleasurable.  There has been a lot of recent research about female ejaculation as well as science uncovering important information about the clitorus being much more than a tiny button. I have NOT always been a squirter.  In fact, most of my life, I was not. Curiosity inspired a lot of experimentation and I can defend female squirting from personal experience.  
I also do not believe that some women can squirt while others can not. With understanding about how our bodies work, being both very relaxed (comfortable) but very stimulated, and with patience with the g-spot, I believe women can learn to squirt. My suggestion for getting started would be to incorporate warming lube in your play and make sure the g-spot is well covered (or the area on the inside upper wall of the vaginal canal up to about 3 inches). Ben-Waa balls (especially those on a string) can help stimulate the g-spot. I have also found the WeVibe and a g-spot stimulating vibrator helpful. Firm or hard pressure may be more effective than the "come hither" motion popular in instructionall info.
I can tell you for certain this is not does not exit from the urethra but rather from just inside the vaginal canal. I have had both gushing and squirting experiences. I have been able to ejaculate further than 6ft. The fluid is clear and sweet tasting and smelling much like sugar water.
Personally I am thankful for this development in my sexuality. It has brought me (& my hubby) great pleasure. 
I love how even now in middle age my body is still surprising me and I am still learning more about it.  Oh the beauty God created when He made women.

Female ejaculation - the lost art?

Sat, 09/30/2017 - 06:15
Martyn (not verified)

I know this is an oldish topic, but I felt compelled to put in my two bobs worth.
Female ejaculation seems to have been known about in most cultures - even up til Victorian times when writers would refer to a woman "expelling copious amounts of juices", or "we discharged together". The Sanskrit writings of ancient India refer to female ejaculation as Amrita and a universal panacea if drunk.
Somewhere, somehow female ejaculation has been linked to peeing in modern times (post WWI) and hence the confusion and often shame felt by women who are "squirters", and the ignorant males who comment about peeing!!
Much like other topics that were once common practice, since the medicalisation of so much that is sexual/natural we see surgeons offering to "cure" female ejaculation, rather than encouraging women to respond naturally to arousal.
We see this medicalisation in preparation for childbirth - once the domain of the midwife and husband, now the domain of the surgeon and hospital. The woman's body was prepared for childbirth, even prior to conception, with stretching of the vagina until a hand could be placed inside the vagina. Giving birth was then much easier on the mother and child. Is this done now? Is this even discussed now by mothers and daughters? Very rarely and if a husband attempted to massage his wife's vagina in hospital they'd have him arrested.
Look to the accumulated knowledge of the past, 60000 years of being able to procreate without a doctor in sight must have meant that our forebears were doing something right.

Female Ejaculation

Tue, 10/03/2017 - 08:58
ddarlen (not verified)

I really appreciate this post.  I am 62 and have 6 grown sons.  I was always a very 'wet' girl and was shamed over this from a young child.  

I felt there was something really wrong with me- I was some type of 'pervert', 'freak', and I had no place to go wtih these fears and feelings.  So, in all of my reproductive years, I did not want to have sex because I was afraid of getting too wet god forbid- ejaculate.

I held it in and learned how to 'get off' or orgasm myself and would actually try to do it quickly and see how 'dry' I could stay- or at least so I would not get soaking wet.

No one helped or discussed ways of assisting with any of my children's birthing process and even though I went through Lamaze and courses- I had natural childbirth and it was incredibly painful and traumatic.  I had refused the numbing of my spine- because I was told it would harm the baby and slow down the contractions.  So I suffered. 

My children were large boys- ranging from 8 pds to 11 pds.  No one ever suggested the stretching of my vagina and I often thought of it- but was to afraid to ask because I was afraid that my Dr or anyone would think there was something horribly wrong with me for asking.
Later- after my last child- I had a little surgery that was supposed to help me not 'pee' when I coughed- as I was told my bladder had dropped and it was going to be 'tightened' again. After that, I no longer had any 'peeing' by accident-however I was still easily wet durnig sex and was still prone to ejaculation.

Again, this was a deterrent to me having sex because I was ashamed and embarrased.  Finally, i got the courage to ask my Dr about it.  He told me I was simply peeing and told me to practice keegle exercises and I could control it.  He said there was no such thing as female ejaculation and it was all a bunch of perverts are into a fetish. It is not normal he said.

That was it- I went through a long period of feeling horrible self-loathing.  I was also unable to be the warm loving sensous partner to my husband that I could have been.  Neither of us were to get past it. 

It was not until I was in my late 50's that I connected with a man who became my lover who 'knew' all about this topic and 'educated me'.  It was then- that things completely changed for me and this changed my whole life.  Even still- I sometimes have to 'work through' old negative feelings that can come up about myself and then I realize it is related to the old feelings of shame and embarassment that are 'haunting' me.    Oddly- this does not 'come up' during sex- it affects all areas of our lives.  It comes up and creeps into other feelings you have about yourself.  And they should not be about shame for being 'exactly who you were born to be' as a woman.  

I am a sexual woman and I am completely happy about that. I am not embarrassed---I am actually proud of myself for being able to be open with others about this. I am very sensitive to other women who simply don't or are stuck in the old embarassed patterns that I used to be in.  I know how painful that is.

But i am so glad that people are actually becoming more open and knowledgable than ever. I am so pleased to be 'free' of this old stigma.  i hope you can free others before years of shame and misery happen.

Today with the internet and all the things I never had access to I really have high hopes that this will change everything for people and their relationships.   ....I lived in a small rural community growing up....and even later when I went to was still not something that one had easy access to.  It was something people joked about and spoke about -in certain areas-but those were always kind of 'seedy-backroom- smokey ' type places.  Not open, honest, scientifically based factual stuff.  

So in my day, it was harder to figure things out.  It is wonderful that you are doing this work and that other women can possibly be freed from a life of internal shame or fear about their sexuality and their bodies.  

Thank you for that!