Every Time I Get Close to Orgasm It "Stops"

Mon, 08/22/2016 - 08:05
Submitted by Betty Dodson


I am a 23 year old and I've never had an orgasm. I've never had sex (though I like to say I took my own virginity!). I masturbate a lot, at least once a day. I mostly don't use toys, but I do have an array over tried out. For some reason I always reach the same stopping point regardless of if I'm with a partner, by myself, using toys, or not using toys. Whenever I reach this stopping point i just don't want to continue. It feels weird and it's not really pleasant. Sometimes when at exactly the moment I reach this stopping point I start crying and I have no idea why. This has happened with partners and when I'm by myself.

I really do want to have an orgasm but I just can't seem to go past this point. Do you have any idea why it feels so weird? Also, any insight into the random crying? Have you encountered any of this before? Thanks in advance!

Dear S,

I've encountered this a million times from young women with exaggerated ideas about what an orgasm will feel like. Forget the screaming, writhing faked orgasms of porn. Orgasms can be subtle and sweet with a minimum of sound and outward movements or our bodies..

That "stopping point" you refer to most likely indicates you have already had an orgasm, but were unable to identify it. That's when every clitoris shuts down and sends out an unpleasant burning sensation to signal it's owner she needs a rest after just firing off 8000 nerve endings. Listen to your damn body and STOP demanding some unrealistic dramatic response based on false knowledge.Go inside the website and read "Awakening the Clitoris."

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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I had that too!

Wed, 08/24/2016 - 08:01

Hi S.

I feel for you, since I have gone through the same.

From maybe 17 till 28 I was never sure, if I had orgasms or not. I masturbated
often before I went to sleep, had a good feeling, did not get wet, and then
there was the sudden STOP. I enjoyed being with my partner, got turned on a
bit, but rarely even got to the stop moment, and I was very envious of his

But to the good news! It changed!!!! I now have orgasms with different
sexual partners and with myself. I mostly have tension orgasms, when I rub my
clit forcefully and tense my thighs and lots of other muscle on my body, but
recently I started to master the rock n roll technique and even managed to get
off with a vib.

Here are my sings for having an orgasm: increased heartbeat, white stuff
comes out of my vagina, not squirting, it just has a more opaque colour than my
normal getting aroused juice has, and it comes out after the orgasm in a larger
quantity; there is blood rushing in my ears, like when you run really fast; my
PC muscles tighten quickly for a few seconds, which I can feel if I insert a
finger in my vagina during orgasm; after the orgasm I have a distinct red spot
on my cheeks (looks so pretty!); I start laughing out loud of happiness; I have
this backlashes up to 24 h after the orgasm, when my PC muscle spontaneously
contracts and sends happy signals through my whole body and I feel incredible
happy for now other reason. This signs I learned in the past 1-2 years,
sometimes I only get one of the sign, other times an insane combination of some
or even all of the above and I assume that they are very personal and you might
feel very different signs.


Now for sure you want to know how I changed that. I think it started with reading
through all the amazing literature from Betty and Carlin. Talking to other women
and men. Reading about feminism, body shame and pleasure. And getting older,
more relaxed comfortable being the imperfect person I am and believing that I deserve, same as everybody else, a fucking
shitload of pleasure. I have (and here I would like to write had, but that
would not be totally honest) a lot of shame around masturbation. I masturbated
as a small child (age 2-5 I guess), and my family not knowing how to handle it,
teased me about it. There is even a picture in my childhood album, with me
laying on my stomach, hands in my pants and having a very red face. I remember getting
caught several times by my parents, which caused me to freeze, similar to the
stops you are talking about. Recently I talked about that with my family, and
my father, apologized for not knowing better how to react. That helped me a


In summary, it might take some time and thoughts, but you will learn to
notice and enjoy your orgasm. And also just having fun, being aroused, being
close to yourself or to others is wonderful too.


So I wish you fucking shitload of pleasure!

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