I Can't Achieve Orgasm with Anyone

Fri, 07/15/2016 - 10:31
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I'm 42 and I can only remember having an orgasm twice with a boyfriend in college. I've been exclusively with women for the last 7 yrs, not that it matters too much. The point is really that I haven't been able to achieve an orgasm with anyone. I've tried mastrbating on and off throughout the years, but I can't seem to teach myself to orgasm that way either. I've watch all kinds of videos and a few of yours as well. When I masterbate or am with a partner, I don't seem to have any sensation in my clitoris. Is this possible?

I know exactly where it is and I've given myself time to focus on it. But I just don't feel anything there. I haven't tried a vibrator, but if I'm not getting any sensation at all with my fingers, then I'm wondering if that will make any difference. My clit is definite not as "exposed" as most (from the pictures I've seen). I really don't know what else to do. And I'm wondering if there is something wrong? And if it's possible to have a clitoris that literally doesn't work, or has nerve damage or something? I didn't have any major trauma down there. I did fall awkwardly on a surfboard once but I don't think that did any damage.

Please if there's anything else that I could do or resources I can use to find out what's going on, I'm des parent to find out? Have you heard of anyone not having any sensation in their clitoris, even when they are masterbating?

Thank you very much,
-Concerned about my sexual future

Dear H,

I seriously doubt there is any nerve damage and the problem is simply lack of consistent masturbation to awaken you clitoris. When you said, "I've tried masturbating on and off throughout the years, but I can't seem to teach myself to orgasm that way either" is like a ballet dancer saying, "I've practiced dancing on and off throughout the years, but I can't seem to teach myself how to perform Swan Lake." We don't seem to realize that sex is like any other art form that takes years of consistent practice to master.

So I recommend you get the Magic Wand rechargeable vibrator and follow my instructions for "First Time Orgasm" and practice at least weekly. Most important is to clear your mind of any expectations as to how an orgasm will feel. Get some organic massage oil and begin with a loving vulva massage and stop blaming your clitoris.

Time to understand the problem is due to sexual repression prohibiting childhood masturbation. If we were left alone to develop naturally, we would have consistent pleasurable feelings touching ourselves from an early age onward to establish the nerve pathways connecting the good feelings in the clitoris to the pleasure center in our brains. Instead of critical self observation, have a hot sexual fantasy to occupy your mind and simply enjoy the good feelings. No expectations, please.


Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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