Need Advice on Orgasms, Birth Control & Nipple Play

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:41
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty

Since the age of 13, I have discovered my sexuality and started masturbating. Now that I am 17 and have a boyfriend & I feel like I just cannot orgasm with him. The first time we've had sexual activity was when we were 15, and I feel great pleasure but I never have been able to orgasm on his behalf.

I just take too long. I sometimes feel like I've masturbated so much through those few years that my clit just becomes desensitized after a period of time that keeps me from orgasming. Even when I'm alone in my room, I have trouble doing so, with or without porn (which I pretty much always watched to assist my playing). I don't know what to do. I am tired of lying to him about it and I want to feel these great sensational orgasms as I used to have as a preteen.

On the note of sensations, many times when my boyfriend is licking my nipples, I don't really feel it unless he bites/nibbles on them. Is that normal? I mean I assume I should feel it, right? Many times I'm laid back trying to enjoy and he's on my chest but I have to look up wondering if he's still licking them, which he is and a lot.

Also, my boyfriend and I barely have had our first intercourse this August and of course, I don't have access to birth control considering my parents don't approve of underage sex. I was wondering if wearing a condom and pulling out is a better, more effective option then simply keeping it in while he ejaculates or does it just not make a difference? Can we trust one method better then the other?

I'm sorry for these long questions. Thank you so much though for having these links and visuals available to us. It really has been a help to me to understand concepts that I hadn't even thought about.

With much curiosity,

Dear C,

The problem of not coming with your boyfriend is not because you've been masturbating. It's that you expect to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone and very few of us can do that. So it does not a matter how long he can keep fucking. I suggest you combine your masturbation technique (how you stimulate your clitoris) and add that while he's doing vaginal penetration. Our motto here at D&R is "Clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration both at the same time.

I suggest you stop viewing porn as it's entertainment for men and does not include a woman's sexual needs. Porn stars are paid to fake orgasms and men end up believing their penis is all we need. WRONG! We also need clitoral stimulation.

As for contraception condoms do work providing they are used correctly. Make sure your BF holds onto the rim when he pulls out after he ejaculates. Pulling out before ejaculation or the "wiithdrawal method" is not safe. Condoms are much better. continue to take advantage of the visual and verbal information on our website. You're doing great so continue to learn. Orgasmic partner sex is like any art form where we get better the more we practice.

Dr Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Lots of Fun

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:18

Dear C,
PIV sex on it's own has never worked for me, nor most of my girlfriends. & ignoring all the women faking out there (jncluding the porn stars) we're definitely in the majority. If you want to add orgasms to partnersex, then I'd suggest adding in some mutual masturbation which has the benefit of not resulting in babies and can be a lot of fun.

Also think again about the amount of time you set aside for sex. Even for solo masturbation, there is a big difference between the time taken to orgasm for men and women, though I believe that both have a "bigger" orgasm if they can learn to draw things out and take their time. I would say that 30 minutes is the minimum time I'd expect for a worthwhile orgasm rather than a little hiccup of a sensation.

Nipples never worked for me once I'd breastfed my daughters - altogether too agricultural and infantilising of my partners. It seems to work for some people but by no means all of my friends. It can be fun to explore the rest of your body to try and find your own erogenous zones. Every body is different.

Please use birthcontrol. In my country any young person over the age of 16 is automatically allowed to approach her doctor confidentially to discuss and arrange birth control, which is obviously free. It seems bizarre to me that a 17 year old isn't able to make these decisions for herself. Betty/Patrick - Is it access to a doctor or the need to pay for birthcontrol that makes this so difficult in the States?

Condoms are effective if used properly ie. until after ejaculation and
then taking care to hold onto it until he's outside of you.They will protect you from pregancy and most STDs.

You know that you have been orgasmic, can experience really big orgasms
so all you need to do is relax back into the flow of things. Like everything in life, it takes practice. Hoping that you have lots of fun rediscovering.

Access to contraception in the States

Sun, 09/20/2015 - 12:42


The contraceptive picture in the States is murky because there is no over-arching federal policy and no National Health Service. According to one source:

  • 21 states and the District of Columbia explicitly allow all minors to consent to contraceptive services.
  • 25 states explicitly allow minors to consent to contraceptive services under specific limited circumstances.
  • 4 states have no explicit policy.

The Supreme Court has recognized that minors do have an implicit right to make their own decisions on contraception, yet many states have parental notification laws that "elevate the interests of the parent or guardian above those of the adolescent patient. By making a minor's health information available to the parent, the laws may well discourage teens from seeking needed care." (

So in practice, many teens can obtain confidential contraceptive services here, but there are no guarantees and access and confidentiality appear to be variable depending on where one lives.

Where's the wetness??

Wed, 09/30/2015 - 12:57
submissive_girl (not verified)

Dear Dr. Betty,

I've recently come off hormonal birth control. I've been off the pill for nearly 4 months now! I do notice an increase in my desire for sex, but my body just isn't creating the same secretions it used to.

I'm 27 and a mother of one. I've been on birth control damn near steady since I was 14, except for my first year living away from home, which was when I got pregnant. 
I've been on the Depo shot twice (and reacted much differently the second time), 3 different types of bc pills over the years, and an IUD. 

Is it possible I've maybe ruined my body, in this way? I just don't create the kind of wetness i used to, and that i'd like to!

I masturbate quite often, at least 4 times a week, but have to use lube each time. Is there Anything I can do??

Thanks, for all your continued help

Ask Dr Betty . . .

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 04:15

If I might make a suggestion, please direct your inquiries to:

It's how Betty prefers to receive questions.