BF's Dirty Talk About Me as Teenager Has Me Rattled

Wed, 03/18/2015 - 09:24
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I have been dating a man for two years; for one of those years we have lived together.

Twice, while in the middle of some hot and heavy love making ( dirty hot sex really) he has whispered/asked me some things that have made me uncomfortable.

The first time he asked me how big my tits were when I was 15 and what I looked like while wearing a mini skirt at that age.

The most recent was that he asked me how old I was when I first started masturbating and if I masturbated all the time upon discovering myself. He whispered, "I bet you did. I bet you also wanted to know what it felt like to be f#cked, too."

Fine questions I suppose but not while he was inside of me getting himself off.

It has me rattled.

Does he engage in teen porn?

Does he have pedophilia fetishes?

Is this normal male sexually and I am over reacting?

How do I know?

How do I talk about this with him?

I have a daughter that is 12.

This makes me remember when I first got breasts and much older men would oggle me. I hated it. It made me feel terrible and dirty before my time.

How do I talk about this. Do I need to be concerned?

Your advice is sorely needed.

Thank you.

Dear R,

You talk to him about this just like you explained it to me. It might simply be his style of dirty talk to help keep his dick hard. That's harmless unless, it upsets you for whatever reason. If you want him to stop say so. Tell him his fantasy turns you off. But then it would make sense for you to suggest what you would prefer.

The pedophile label is way overdone and has become another buzz word to scare people. Everyone appreciates the innocence and desirability of youth. So don't blow this into a big deal. Just figure out what you'd rather have him verbalize or tell him shut up and breathe.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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his fantasies about teens are creepy in this situation

Wed, 03/18/2015 - 11:44
Nonny (not verified)

No, in your case, you have a pre-teen daughter (who I assume isn't his), take this seriously. If this guy is getting off on the idea of a masturbating teen I would be seriously worried about the safety of my daughter. Don't ever leave your daughter alone with this guy.
I agree that pedophilia is often overblown, and there's a legitimate place within consenting relationships to roleplay power differences which may include teenage fantasies provided both partners are into it. However, I think in your case it shows (at the very least) a massive insensitivity on his part to say such stuff to you, knowing you have a 12-yr-old daughter.
Certainly, if you choose to continue your relationship with him, make it very clear that such talk makes you very uncomfortable and you don't find it sexy. Don't tolerate a repeat performance.


Wed, 03/18/2015 - 13:53

Anyone with teenage daughters is going to be freaked out by even a hint that their lover finds young girls sexually attractive so your letter to Betty is entirely understandable.

Even without kids, it's a bit offputting. I can't imagine many men would appreciate being asked if their dick was bigger/harder when they were 16, certainly not in the middle of sex. So it sounds very odd to hear something similar being said to a woman about her breasts.

Ofcourse Betty is right to say it needs a conversation. It's most likely that he's just being incredibly clumsy with his sex talk. Anything else and you can walk away.