How Do I Talk to My Girlfriends About Masturbation?

Fri, 08/29/2014 - 09:27
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

I am a male teenager. But getting that out of the way, I live in a small, conservative, town in Midwest Nowhere-land. I'm a theater guy and, therefore, have mainly female friends. I'm very sex-positive and find sex the most interesting thing to talk about, so I've tried to talk about it to my friends and it never goes over well. So I learned not to talk about it. But now we're just about to graduate High School and I won't see any of my friends for a long time because I'm moving to New York in the fall.

I can just see all of my conservative, female friends getting married before they're twenty, having a few kids, a loveless marriage, and never having an orgasm in their life. I know for a fact none of them have masturbated. (Or at least not admit to it when I asked them over a year ago) How can talk to them, without being too weird, about how masturbation isn't this repulsive, immoral thing? But is actually the most beautiful thing, we as human beings can do. Thanks, Betty.

Kisses, A

Dear A,

My Darling young man, the best way to talk about sex is to share your own ideas, feellings and experiences with "I" statements. If that still upsets these girls, then drop it. Too bad, it's there loss. Another thought would be to send them to our website. Or read my Q & A or show them our weekly You Tubes. Print out my essay on beginning masturbation and give it to one of them. Chances are good she will read it in private and share it with her friends. Remember, talking about masturbation is never easy even in a sophisticated city like NY. I know all about small conservative Midwest towns. I grew up in Wichita. You'll love NYC where I currently live. But even here, we have people who don't want to talk about jerking off. It's just so damn personal. You'd make a good sex educator.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Betty, I've followed this

Fri, 08/29/2014 - 14:16
Jack Mehoff (not verified)

I've followed this site for some time and have always enjoyed it and your insightful opinions but...
While I appreciate and applaud the comments above I'm not convinced they were written by you, an intellegient person with a PhD.  Examples of my opinion: 1) "Too bad, it's there loss" (there... Really?), 2) "our weekly You Tubes" (are you in your 80's or prepubescent teens?) and 3) I shouldn't have to mention the obvious broken sentence structure.

I am sympathetic to A's

Sat, 08/30/2014 - 23:46
C (not verified)

I am sympathetic to A's situation, and masterbation is a sensitive subject to talk about even with my spouse. We are both a young 63, physically fit and athletic. We're also liberal minded, progressive Californians, and communicative with each other. However, it's incredible to know that after being together for 29 years, we are no longer lovers. Though we're very affectionate, he has not initiated sex, desired sex, even if I initiated it, nor wanted to do or talk about mutual masterbation during the last 5 years. I've brought up the subject several times and in a very loving way to garner change. Still I get no action from him. Nevertheless, I've taken Dr. Betty's advice. I have had a discreet, NSA/FWB lover for over 4 years. Granted, my preference is to have sex with my spouse, but I don't want to deny myself the pleasure of it either. I agree with A and Dr. Betty, sex is one of the most singular things we can do for each other and for ourselves.

Orgasmic ability makes you quietly confident

Mon, 09/01/2014 - 04:09
Lizzie Smith (not verified)

Jack, I'm glad you bring the quality of certain answers here up. And more. I also am an avid follower of Dr. Dodson and wish the very best for this website.
Everyone can see the content here is ground-breaking, newsworthy pioneer-work. Whatever is written here is of great impact.  
I got a bit troubled with the answer to D's question posted 8:19 AM Wed by Betty Dodson. The title says: I can only orgasm when I'm wearing lingerie. However, the text itself does not contain the information that D is able to orgasm, either alone or with partner. 
My assumption is, a woman does not excessively fret over the 'littler' things if the vastly greater rewards of authentic orgasm are comfortably and reliably at her hands in context of the sessions with (or without) her man.
Orgasmic ability makes a woman quietly confident. Just the way it makes a man serene during partnersex in a self-confident manner.
The answer for D nevertheless presupposes two things: D is authentically orgasmic and D's main problem is her underlined self-consciousness. As stated earlier, these two traits do not sit well at the same time in a person's frame of mind. This is something Dr. Betty is usually acutely aware of. She often mentions in her memoirs and posts how she as a woman was confident enough to start a real intimate relationship with a much younger man. 
A very interesting topic for sex educators seems to be, how to instruct a pre-orgasmic woman in finding out what an authentic female orgasm is, if she already is under the impression her wonderful feelings with him already constitute all there is for her to experience orgasmwise.
'How to instruct' is the familiar dilemma of the profession of counseling and psychotherapy, too.
Someone tried to describe the tough, paradoxical position of a well-meaning therapist by comparing him with a pickpocket at the nudist camp. In order to be able to proceed he firstly has to sew pockets for the nudists.