Rub My Clit...Orgasm...Lose My Sex Drive

Sat, 05/31/2014 - 08:58
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty and Carlin,

I am 22 years old women, I feel I have a good sex life, with myself and others. I can orgasm, more so with partner sex than on my own. The problem I have with masturbating is when I rub my clitoris and use my dildo, which is my normal technique, I can reach a climax (not an orgasm) very quickly, within about 2 minutes. Once I have this climax my sexual desire completely disappears, how can I stop this, so I can continue masturbating to orgasm?

I also have this problem during partner sex, if we are having vaginal penetration and I don't simulate my clitoris, I enjoy the experience for a long time. But as soon as I rub my clit at the same time, I will have one very intense orgasm, but will lose my sex drive. Do you have any suggestions how I can incorporate my clit into partner sex, being able to orgasm, and then continue.

Also I just wanted to say how inspiring the two of you are, I share your youtube channel with all of my friends the first chance I have and they are all hooked. And who wouldn't be, two sexual confident and liberated women, you two are the role models my generation need so badly!

All my love,

Hi L,

Happy to hear you're having orgasms alone and with your partner. I'm not sure what you mean by separating "climax" from "orgasm." It usually means the same thing but I get where you're going. Orgasm is better than a climax, yes?

A two minute build-up is not enough time to get your sex energy circulating, so SLOW DOWN woman! Get some organic oil like coconut or almond and gently touch your clitoris. No more "rubbing" with pressure. Slow and easy does it.

Also, after you have the first orgasm, just rest a few minutes and go again. Who says one climax is all there is for us? When we are getting the kind of clit stim we prefer, we can go again and again and again. Just give Clitty a rest after she's fired off all 8,000 nerve endings. While she's resting don't leave the mental space of sexual pleasure. Keep your pelvis rocking while squeezing the PC muscles to let your body know it's not over yet. Got it?

Now go knock yourself out with as many orgasms as you desire.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

Same issue

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 17:40
Anony (not verified)

I have the same issue, and granted, I am much older than L.

For me, it does not matter if I build up slowly or fast, but after I have had the first orgasm, it's like all the sex in the world has evaporated with it. 

Betty, you write to "not leave the mental space," and I believe that is so much easier said than done! I think, I personally leave the mental space sort of at the same time I orgasm. If I then have to actively think about not leaving it (i.e., that mental space), it's already too late. I am already all "in my head" at that point. And whether I think about preparing taxes, doing laundry, or getting ready to have 8,000 nerve endings firing again...the excitement is gone. I cannot re-gain it, even if I just try to rock and sqeeze and whatever else you recommend. It's more of a 'yeah, whatever, let's get up and finish that report that's due tomorrow.' 

I suspect I am too lazy to work at it, and that in itself is actually a total shame!!

Lost "drive" after climax as well

Thu, 06/05/2014 - 11:37

I have the same issue.  I typically have a big orgasm (let's say 60-90 seconds of strong vag contractions after), then lose it.  I've tried to either resting my hand/toy (or my partner does) on my vulva, then go again after a little rest, but it really seems gone.
I'v recently started getting Yoni massages and my last session we worked on the multiple orgasm aspect.  Once again I had a huge orgasm first and stayed in the right head space to get the build up again, but the second was smaller (dare I say dissappointing...yikes :) ).  I have another Yoni massage soon and will continue to work on it.  On the flip side, I can stay on the edge for a very long time which I love...but I wonder if that's playing with my ability to have multiple orgasms because the build up is so long/intense.  Who knows?  Thoughts?
I'm also lucky that during partner sex we seem to achieve the elusive orgasming together.  Personally, I think he has very good control (and I have ok control) and we can time it incredibly close.
Also, I love my Yoni massages and have found working with someone who will help you achieve or work on those goals is fantastic.  Recommend it to everyone.  But you must find a legit person.  There are some tough waters to navigate with some healers.  And don't clock watch...less than 90 minutes is not advisable.
Happy orgasms!  Jai

Now you know what happens to

Thu, 12/25/2014 - 23:50
RayV (not verified)

Now you know what happens to men.
I was never able to restart after the first orgasm like some men.
Even when a teen I got one a day.
I learned to edge because of it and am able to have sex for at least a half hour or more.
No wonder my wife was hooked after a few times.

Yoni massages

Wed, 05/31/2017 - 22:14

Hi there!

Do you have any suggestions on finding someone for yoni massages? I am looking to find someone in California in the San Francisco Bay Area. Thanks!