How Am I Supposed to Commit My Life to a Man That's Not Sexually Aroused by Me?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:50
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hey Betty,

I'll try to make this short and sweet. I am 24. My boyfriend is 46. When we first started spending time it would be once a week, we would make some love and there was no strings attached. I liked his bedroom eyes and mature ways he liked my youth (i'm assuming) We then got pregnant.

Our sex was great, then for the time of me carrying our child he would not have sex with me. I was not the typical don't touch me pregnant woman. I was hot and horny from the 1st trimester to the end. I would often ask if it was because I was pregnant and he would say no.  Long story short, we have learned to love and live together the best we can.

But now.... when we have sex he can't stay hard. I'm just really confused because of the sex we used to have years ago. Then we didn't have sex for so long now we are having it again and he can't stay hard?

Wouldn't one think that being his age with a lady my age this should be a no issue? I have remained gentle about it I have not let him know that it deeply concerns me and I am reaching out to find if other people have this issue he claims it is not a "dysfunction" and I believe this because of the sex we used to am I supposed to commit my youth and life to a man that can't even get sexually aroused by me anymore?

I can't help but think the thrill of having sex with no strings attached is all he can perform for because he is a man who never had a long term relationship...but who am I to judge? I am a really sexually curious person, I hold sex in high regard in relations and importance not only for connection or personal pleasure but health. I am willing to commit my youth to him and my life with our child but how do I fix this? I have many many years of sex ahead of me and I cant help but feel like his years are over and any tips or suggestions would be fantastic! I am not a man, nor am I 46 so I am completely lost, but I want to understand and aide comfort and get past this.


Dear C,

You have partially answered your own question: "I cant help but think the thrill of having sex with no strings attached is all he can perform for because he is a man who never had a long term relationship...but who am I to judge?"

As his lover and baby mamma, you have every right to judge! What I can add is that he's getting close to male manopuase. Not all, but many men do have a sexual decline after fifty similar to most women who go through menopause. Maybe men's hormonal decline could be named womanonpause. A few men and woman can also get revved up at this point, but hormones are tricky and quite individualistic. One of my best lovers was a man in his late forties but he was a martial artist in great shape.

The biggest problem here is that he's not asking the question or willing to seek some kind of help. He might consider getting testosterone shots. Or some kind of talk therapy. But at his age, I wouldn't hold my breathe expecting he'll do this. For now until this situation is resolved, you have self-love to fall back on. And you might find it will give you some of your best orgasms. Be open to the possibility of moving along if he doesn't show any concern about his sexual decline. Do not sacrifice your youth tying to save him. You have my empathy for being in this lousy situation. Focus on taking care of yourself and your baby until this gets resolved.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Wonderful advice. I could not

Sat, 09/27/2014 - 18:58
JenlovesJen (not verified)

Wonderful advice. I could not agree more.

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