What is the Ideal Penis Size for Women's Pleasure?

Sat, 01/25/2014 - 13:06
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I was wondering about penis size. My questions are 1. What is the ideal size a penis needs to be to pleasure a woman? 2. Do all women like really large penises like in porn? 3. How important is penis size In a relationship? 4. What can a man do to give a woman pleasure if he happens to have a small penis?

If you are wondering about the nature of these questions it is because I think I may have a small penis and am worried that I will not measure up to a woman's standards in terms of penis size. It is something that has bothered me for along time. I am 27 years old and am single. The reason is that I have heard that penis size is extremely important and a woman will dump you automatically if she thinks your penis is small. All I want to know is if I measure up properly.

Thank you.

Dear A,

We have a doc on the site by a guy who went around asking these questions. I'll see if I can find it. Meanwhile I'll take your questions one at a time.

1. What is the ideal size a penis needs to be to pleasure a woman?

There is no one "ideal size" as every woman is different in her preferences. It's sad to know so many men are concerned with this, when in truth, so few women can orgasm from penis/vagina thrusting. So I'd say a man who has good hands and knows how to kiss above and below will win out over a big dick any day. Besides, if you have a GF who likes 'em BIG just get a humungas dildo and bang away. It's a woman's clitoris that really matters, not the size of a penis.

2. Do all women like really large penises like in porn?

Some women like large penises, but not all women.

3. How important is penis size In a relationship?

Only as important as you make it. There's a million other factors to consider. Too many to name. Just stop and think a minute. Communication: A man who can share his ideas and feelings easily. A sense of humor. A pleasant disposition. A steady job or a profession he likes. Self confidence. Need I go on?

4. What can a man do to give a woman pleasure if he happens to have a small penis?

Take the time to learn about female sexual response. Honor the importance of her clitoris. Tell her how much you appreciate her. Pay attention to her likes and dislikes. Be a gentleman with good manners. Most important would be a good provider. And don't forget to have sex toys available next to your bed. C'mon. You can read a million books on this subject.

The average sized penis is around 5 and a half inches erect. Like they say, "It's not the size of the fish, but the motion of the ocean.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Men, forget penis, exercise tongue

Sun, 01/26/2014 - 10:28

A, you should probably stop worrying about your penis size and start exercising your tongue. Oral sex is best and our clit is where the action is. It is for me in any case. As far as penis size goes, I'd error on the side of smaller because larger scares me. Shave all the hair off too because your penis looks sexier that way. We hate getting hair in our mouths. That's my opinion. :-)

Size again . . .

Sun, 01/26/2014 - 19:00

A, I think that Dr Betty and tinyclit have answered your concerns just about perfectly. On another forum a few years ago I read some posts from young women discussing penis size. Almost unanimously, they agreed that they preferred men of average size to those equine porn dicks. One woman said she'd far prefer a lover with a 5-inch penis to a 10-inch penis, because she likes to be comfortable during sex and a huge dick just isn't. And many women orgasm far more readily from oral or manual sex anyway. Size-shaming men in our culture is something like fat-shaming women: It's a useless and cruel way to try to make people feel bad for no reason at all. Dr Betty has given a terrific summation of what's really important to most women. Learn from it.

Penis size

Tue, 01/28/2014 - 08:48
akh (not verified)

Anther point to consider is that a womans vagina is meant to accommodate everything from a small penis to a baby and that to accomplish the feat it has to be able to stretch and contract.
Also the further into the vagina you go the less sensation there is. Virtually all the sensation and nerve endings are around the clitoris and the entrance to the vagina. I have talked to ladies who have been with someone who had a large penis only to discover that they suffered pain for a few days as it had pushed against their uterus.
If you watch any documentaries on the making of porn movies you will also learn of the damage done to women because of the action with large penises insterted into their various orifices. This ranges from incontinece through to the inability to have children.
In conclusion I would say that large penises are not necessarily the advantage that especially men would have you beleive.


Wed, 01/29/2014 - 15:27

the perfect size for the woman you are with is yours.

To A: My partner has a penis

Sun, 02/02/2014 - 03:52
Flan is delicious (not verified)

To A:

My partner has a penis that is the ideal size for me, but it means almost zilch for me! Vaginal sex is just more pleasurable for her penis than it is for my vagina. By the time she orgasms, I've only just started feeling good. For me, vaginal sex is foreplay and the main event is fingering. All that porn where fingering is foreplay and vaginal sex is the main event is backwards for us! :)

What else can you do to pleasure a woman besides using your dick? Use your imagination! Try using your tongue, your fingers, a vibrator. Maybe try anal with toys in front--when I've got a dildo there my clitoris and vaginal area feel ten times better. Explore her fetishes. What if latex and leather turn her on more than a penis of any size?

Small penis to Big Penis.

NOWHARD's picture
Sun, 05/04/2014 - 08:59

Hi Look at the end of the day if your not happy with what you have got, but you did not say what you have, when its erect if its less than 4 then yes you are on the small size.
But help is at hand, in the way of jelqing, its an execise to help men get bigger in length and girth, and here's the but, I will tell you now its not a quick fix, you could be looking at a two long haul, but you will gain.
Warning jelqing can give you ED, the exercises have some very simple rules, if you dont follow them, and dont follow the program, dont rush and dont push the programs you should be pritty safe, OK so far.
Then just go to www.pegym.com just have a look round the site, read of the forums, look at the photos, these are from guys who are jelqing, or finished, and guys who are just starting.
if you do go through this, you can do the same start your own photo file, so you can look back, use a tape, and dont push it in you flesh.
OK its up to you.
Good Luck

Penis Size Again

Mon, 05/05/2014 - 16:15
A.Non Lover (not verified)

A, when you do the research you will find the vast majority of women, with few exceptions, will tell you it ain't what you got it's what you do with it that counts. So learn how to work it good and small size becomes a non-issue.
Given the above as a basis to work from, physical differences were recognised thousands of years ago in the Kama Sutra. Many of it's teachings are outdated for today but some are worth considering eg. positions and also sizing.
For best results it claims there should be equal pairing of organ size. How so? A woman's yoni (vagina) is described as a deer (small), a mare (medium) or elephant (large). A man's lingam (penis) is described as a hare (small), a bull (medium) or a horse (large).
Having the opposite problem to yours, i can assure you it ain't all a piece of cake and not all women like horses as others have said here. It just doesn't work for me with a deer and some mares complain afterwards that i hurt them because it goes too deep. Best for me is with an elephant just like the Kama Sutra says. In a way, being a hare gives you an advantage in that you can use that small penis with all women whereas as a horse, i can't.
Finally, to be a good lover, learn from what women tell you not porn.

All Are Different

Sat, 05/10/2014 - 13:22

I have had small, average, and huge beyond belief. None of their efforts vaginally did anything for me as far as orgasm. The smaller guys were limited position-wise because from behind or cowboy, they would fall out and didn't have enough length to stay in the vagina. The larger guys were painful when the rabbit fucking ensued because they went too deep and hit the cervix. And they were so enamored of their own members, they were clueless as to what a clit was or how to handle it...even with instruction and guidance, they lost interest. The smaller guys knew about the clit but they never stayed there long enough to produce results for me.......once I was wet, it was Tally Ho! Off we raced to intercourse. The average size penis seemed to fit the best as far as comfort and positions, but still nothing else that deviated from male oral sex or intercourse interested them for long. The best partner sex I ever had, a guy who was into joint masturbation...that was exciting and sexually hot. He was free enough not to be intimidated by thinking my orgasm had to come from his member. That is just me, but many women have some sort of preference...viva la difference! :)

haha  "rabbit fucking"

Mon, 05/12/2014 - 00:32

haha  "rabbit fucking"

Best left as a side dish

Mon, 05/12/2014 - 08:07

Our mouths and hands are capable of giving far more subtle pleasures than any penis or vagina, and vibrators can be terrific too. It seems to me that intercourse often works best as a variation in lovemaking that couples can flow in and out of between other and more satisfying practices, rather than as the 'center' of sex as our cultural traditions try to make it. The whole question of male size or firmness should in most cases be a non-issue, since we know that intercourse is far from the best way for most women to have orgasms anyway. Sex education ought to routinely include teaching young people the facts about which sexual practices are really pleasurable.

From A Man's Point Of View

Mon, 07/28/2014 - 03:53

Personally, I don't think size really matters. In my experience, it's really the performance that really matters. Mastering foreplay, different stimulation techniques, asking and communicating about likes and dislikes from both parthers are the key to satisfying sexual experience. I myself has less than 4 inches although I've managed to make it to almost 5 now with Jelqing and stretching routines (and take note just as the warning above these exercises can lead to ED if not implemented properly). And, although I've grown that so far, my experience when I do not use it properly, it does not have phenomenal impact. In the end, performance first and size is a bonus... if both are combined harmiously, it has such an amazing experience for the woman. For men who are keen at incresing their penis size, you have to be careful and patient plus learn the basics as it is not easy to do so, you can get hurt and can result to permanent ED. Other good source for men with increasing penis size in mine(aside from one mentioned above) is maleenhancementpr.com... But, men! Better master your performance first and size is simply a bonus.

sexologist's perspective

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 07:32
Dr. Ashok Koparday (not verified)

One of the top three sex problems is, "Doc, I have a small penis. How do I increase size of my penis?"
I believe this obsession is all pervading throughout the globe, all through history.
Penis size is innately related to machismo.

I wondered why intelligent, educated men too desperately sought treatment to increase the size of penis. One of the reasons is penis is the only external organ of the body that all the time keeps increasing and decreasing in size in the same man.

Quacks will continue to have booming business. The only deterrent being discussion on esteemed site as yours.

Dr. Ashok Koparday


Mon, 08/11/2014 - 14:41
Kensho TX (not verified)

When I was dating (30 years ago). I had different women say - your big
While another's said I was small. Most didn't say either way.
Do I want a bigger penis -yes. I also want more money,
more friends, and more happiness. You always want something.
I was sleeping with a women who's husband was massive penis wise, and she was satisfied by him sexually. But - She was screwing me too. I never asked what i gave her he didn't.

So what's my point, dicks are just one more thing to worry
about, if you care too.

Women Say One Thing, Do Another

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:24
Renn (not verified)

Women say it doesn't matter, but . . .
1) Female nurse giving me a physical acted flustered and astonished at it and almost asked me for my number afterward (happened on more than one occasion). 
2) A girl who indicated to me that she found me ugly, or undesirable, once she caught a glimpse of my package, did a 180 and started eyeing me, being flirtatious. 
3) At a party, women have rubbed their butts across my pants in an inconspicuous way as to try to feel my penis through my pants. One girl almost begged me to have sex. 
4) Girl who previously expressed disinterest, gave me a full-body hug to say goodbye one time and happened to feel my flaccid penis through my pants, gave me a shocked look and then started asking friends if I had a girlfriend. 
5) A fellow teacher saw my package as we passsed each other in the hallway (it was very obvious where she was looking) and after that she started acting all interested (even though she was way out of my league - much taller and very beautiful). 
Those are just four examples. Mind you, my penis isn't huge. It's bigger than average. I don't act on these situations, though because I'm waiting for the right girl. 

As a bisexual man I can offer

Thu, 11/27/2014 - 08:58
Jeffrey65802 (not verified)

As a bisexual man I can offer "big enough I can feel and enjoy it in my tushy, but also so it doesn't hurt, and I look foward to having sex with him, small enough I don't get instant jaw fatigue sucking it." L:ength-wise about 8 inches max as per my dildos, but honestly after the first 2 or 3 inside deeper isn't actually felt. That's anal anyway. Women and vaginal sex may differ.


Wed, 08/26/2015 - 00:01
Coi2186 (not verified)

To be honest, big is nice, it feels good and can bring some chicks to completion. Me; I don't come during intercourse so a big dick won't do it. I need oral or fingers and you ned to be good at that. Dick size has nothng to do with it for me and lots of ladies. So Google the 'female orgasm' sometime and read up; you'll feel better =D

Size does matter to many women

Wed, 09/02/2015 - 19:34
JeffreyKells (not verified)

Most women I've been with have told me that size matters to them. Then again, I've had a sample of some very temperamental / judgemental women as girlfriends... but each one I asked, said size mattered to them.

Luckily, my 6.5 incher has been big enough for them, so they don't need a massive penis size. Any many other women are with smaller men, and happy. Just learn how to please the clit, and you're good. I started out at 5.5 inches though, and with some manual penis enlargement exercises, I've gained that extra inch. www.mistermanpower.net has a good guide to these exercises.
Surgery's another option. Or just live with it! Accept it, and find a woman (many out there) who love you and your size just as you are.

Sorry Jeff......

Fri, 09/04/2015 - 22:08

Size may be nice to look at, but penetrative sex with intercourse only, doesn't do it for women. The only guy making out here is Mr.Careras...raking in all this cash from selling this drivel to insecure, uneducated men.

Stick with the clit on a woman, THAT will get you results!

Penetrative sex does give orgasms

Sun, 09/06/2015 - 10:43
JeffreyKells (not verified)

Hello ORS,
With the extra thickness, I've been able to stimulate the clit indirectly easier during penetration . And with a little "emphasis" on the clit, like rubbing hard against it with my pelvis on the in-and-out stroke, it helps as well.
I've also been able to hit this little pocket in her back end thanks to the extra length. I believe I'm hitting her cul de sac. So the extra size does seem to be helping.
Maybe not for everyone, but for me it has!


Sun, 09/06/2015 - 19:55

I assume you are referencing the pocket to mean the "deep spot" that the new male, Freudian theorists are trying to revive....I am very much aware of this technique, but most nearly all women report this deep spot does not work for them....more MEN report the use of this technique having success than do women ...which tells me it is biased for a reason...women are faking to get by to get sex over with. And by the way, that deep spot is is supposed to be reached via a finger, not by use of a penis because it is inadequate..I explain why later. Guys will push any theory and change the rules for their benefit during sex, so long as it involves PIV - penis in vagina intercourse....as per your described intercourse technique. Deep spot, if it is going to work at all, needs a finger doing the right stroke....a penis cannot bend like that, nor reach that spot correctly.

It is a shame how much misinformation gets dumped on men and women. I would ask how long you guys need your testicles massaged before YOU climax? Of course that is a ridiculous statement, just like men who expect women to orgasm from "indirect" clit stimulation. While you are at it, why not try some indirect stimulation from a different state.......LOL! So many women have to fake when given these odds, you may as well try!

Sorry, I do jest, but I'm not sold AT all, neither are those educated properly on female sexuality. I would suggest a guy ask his own lady what SHE wants in bed, not use some other man's advice, who seeks only profits, not pleasure.

HEY! Patrick! Where are you when I need you!? :)

Mon, 09/07/2015 - 17:13

I would love to see you add some sage advice here to help Jeff along to better understand....one man to another sort of a male point of view stuff.

Happy Labor Day to you Patrick, and all here! :)

Hi ORS, how are you?

Mon, 09/07/2015 - 18:03

Happy Labor Day to you too! I almost stepped in earlier, but I have less free time these days due to my spouse's medical needs at home. But I haven't lost interest in D&R by any means.

I'm not sure whether Jeffrey is sincere or just pushing a product, but he's rather off base either way. Intercourse is over-hyped in our culture as the only worthy form of hetero sex. I would ask him how many orgasms he'd have during any kind of sex if only the bottom third of his penis was being 'directly stimulated' while the glans was mostly ignored. He really ought to try it and see how satisfying it is. If you limit the most sensitive parts of the genitals to indirect stimulation, you're limiting the sensory build-up that ultimately results in orgasm. Fewer or no orgasms is the likely result.

It's true that some women have regular orgasms from intercourse (about 20-25% from what I read), but certainly not most women. Longer foreplay, anatomical differences, better self-knowledge, and so on might make it easier for some women to come from PIV sex. But the bottom line is that penile-vaginal sex itself (with or without a bulky penis) is nowhere near the top of the list when it comes to giving female pleasure. This isn't anything for men to stress out about. On the contrary, it frees us from unnecessary anxiety about size and duration, and lets us concentrate on learning the oral, manual, and other techniques that most women actually do enjoy. And that's good for everybody.

My best to you, ORS, for enjoying what's left of the summer and the beautiful season of autumn to come.

In my experience, most women

Mon, 03/14/2016 - 17:30
MikeH (not verified)

In my experience, most women simply need a penis that is functional, clean and smooth. Size isn't really that big of a deal. Because of this information, I use a penis health creme called Man1 Man Oil every day. It is loaded with vitamins and nutrients that are excellent for the skin and for the internal components of my penis. It's good stuff. 


NOWHARD's picture
Tue, 03/15/2016 - 07:57

Yes Betty its a gotcha, this a is just an advert for some expensive cream for a guys penis, where just good old baby oil will do.


Extremely sensitive clit

Mon, 03/28/2016 - 23:42
Josh T (not verified)

Hi Betty,
This may be a foolish question but my girl friend and I did not have sex for about a month and a half recently, and when we were going to finally have sex on this particular day she stated that her clit was extremely sensitve.

This shocked me to some extent because we have been together for two years and she never had this come up before. We have had plenty of sex in our two year relationship, so that statement had me wondering if it may be possible that she was having sex with some one else causing her clit to be extremely sensitive to the touch, or do you think I am simply over reacting to her statement.
[= 12.8px]Thank You,[/]

Penis Size Issue

Tue, 08/02/2016 - 15:36

In one post, Betty stated her most fulfilling orgasms were with a lover who's cock was like 8.5 inches long. That is a really big cock. So maybe size does matter?

Youre mistaken Dicky

Betty Dodson's picture
Tue, 08/02/2016 - 15:54
Betty Dodson

I said one of the most fulfulling love affairs was with a man who had 5.5 inches which just happens to be average. AND he got really hard and had great staying power. The 8.5 required choosing specific postions that didn't allow full penetration. Also the person attached to the penis is really the MOST important aspect of all. What are you packing!

Dr. Betty

Size Matters

Sat, 09/16/2017 - 09:55
t (not verified)

Of course it matters rather have to much than not enough! We women want to feel fulfilled & satisfied I would think. I’m sure my husband would fall into the category of being very well endowed & having a large (Long) one at 23 cm’s ( 9 in.) would be fair to say. The 1st. time I saw all of him in his beautiful, fully erect glory. I was a little amazed & scared at first but very curious, after we had made love for the 1st. time I knew he was the one for me!He knows just how to please me & make me very happy in more ways than one! I consider myself to very fortunate woman to have met & married such an incredible man. I'm simply loving every smooth inch of him & I simply can't get enough of him!  ;-)