Boyfriend Ejaculates But Doesn't Orgasm

Tue, 12/24/2013 - 09:24
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

I have a new boyfriend who I'm very much in love with, and he loves me too. Unfortunately, he's got an unusual sexual situation- he ejaculates, but doesn't orgasm. He says that urinating with a full bladder feels better than ejaculation, most of the time. He's 21. When he was in his early teens his first sexual experience was with a girl who raped him, which put him into deep depression that he still feels today. He went on to some sexual experiences in the days and years after, but apparently has never felt a real orgasm from it.

Because of all this, he says that he can 'take or leave' sex. He likes cuddling me, and kissing me, but it's very infrequently that we progress to more, and then I feel bad because he didn't really enjoy it other than as a 'bonding experience'. (I don't orgasm from penetrative sex either but I still have a high sex drive and enjoy sex a lot)

Other than getting him to go and see a psychologist, which he's very nervous about doing (but I'm encouraging it anyway) what are some ways to help him with his orgasming issue?

Thanks so much.

Dear M,

Love is an emotion that builds slowly over time when it's based on some kind of commitment most often marriage. So your are really talking about a sexual attraction rather than "love." Romantic love or sexual love can be intense with strong feelings but it's not a lasting one.

I would hope at your age that you do not become this young man's unofficial therapist struggling to help him with this sexual block. Beyond supporting him to seek professional help, I'd say hands off. This is his problem that only he can fix. So yes, I'd advise you to move along and meet a healthier young man who can enjoy sex in all it's confusing glory.

Perhaps sharing masturbation might help you both to enjoy sexual feelings that end in orgasm. Right now, his problem becomes yours and you're both clueless. Then you tell me that you feel badly for him! And yet you cannot come from vaginal sex either. This is the blind leading the blind and neither one of you gets to experience any kind of end pleasure. I'd say it's time to turn over a new leaf for the New Year. He get his therapist and you get a functioning lover.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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We're responsible for our own orgasms

Tue, 12/24/2013 - 18:49

He's responsible for his own orgasm as you are for yours. There is only so much you can do to help him. He probably does need that therapy before things will get better for him. My husband was the same way at first. He could ejaculate on me, but was not having an orgasm after doing so. Ejaculation and orgasm were and are separate for him with his orgasm coming after his ejaculation. The difference for us was that he could occasionally orgasm when masturbating, so I knew he could do it. I sat him down, we had a long heart to heart discussion and I pried it out of him. It wasn't easy to get him to tell me, but I got him to tell me. We worked on it together and within a few weeks after that I had him orgasming.


Fri, 12/27/2013 - 10:03

Hi, There must be an enorous amout of women and men who have never had an orgasm if there whole life's, yet you think its gods given right that we all have them.
Yet they all had good sex lives, all enjoyed there sex lives, yet for somebody who has never had one herself, you want to send your boyfriend off to a psychologest, should you not go as well, and be first through the door.
Please just enjoy your selfs, enjoy your sex lives, and slowly you will both get there, but at a time that suits your bodys, it was manybyears before I had my first mind blowing orgasm, and still dont get one each time I have sex, but I do enjoy my sex life.
Just remember life is there to be enjoyed, if your both enjoying what your now doing, the OK your doing great.
Good Luck

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