I have a new boyfriend who I'm very much in love with, and he loves me too. Unfortunately, he's got an unusual sexual situation- he ejaculates, but doesn't orgasm. He says that urinating with a full bladder feels better than ejaculation, most of the time. He's 21. When he was in his early teens his first sexual experience was with a girl who raped him, which put him into deep depression that he still feels today. He went on to some sexual experiences in the days and years after, but apparently has never felt a real orgasm from it.
Because of all this, he says that he can 'take or leave' sex. He likes cuddling me, and kissing me, but it's very infrequently that we progress to more, and then I feel bad because he didn't really enjoy it other than as a 'bonding experience'. (I don't orgasm from penetrative sex either but I still have a high sex drive and enjoy sex a lot)
Other than getting him to go and see a psychologist, which he's very nervous about doing (but I'm encouraging it anyway) what are some ways to help him with his orgasming issue?
Thanks so much.
Love is an emotion that builds slowly over time when it's based on some kind of commitment most often marriage. So your are really talking about a sexual attraction rather than "love." Romantic love or sexual love can be intense with strong feelings but it's not a lasting one.
I would hope at your age that you do not become this young man's unofficial therapist struggling to help him with this sexual block. Beyond supporting him to seek professional help, I'd say hands off. This is his problem that only he can fix. So yes, I'd advise you to move along and meet a healthier young man who can enjoy sex in all it's confusing glory.
Perhaps sharing masturbation might help you both to enjoy sexual feelings that end in orgasm. Right now, his problem becomes yours and you're both clueless. Then you tell me that you feel badly for him! And yet you cannot come from vaginal sex either. This is the blind leading the blind and neither one of you gets to experience any kind of end pleasure. I'd say it's time to turn over a new leaf for the New Year. He get his therapist and you get a functioning lover.