Is There Anything I Can Do to Boost My Sex Drive?

Sat, 04/20/2013 - 09:57
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Dr. Betty,

I'm a 42 year old woman who has lost her sex drive. I used to get my period every 35 days (always been that way and hubby and I loved that as it gave us plenty of time for sex each cycle) but the last year and a half, I've been getting it every 24 days. My sex drive has also disappeared. I miss it a lot.

My husband and I have been married for 20 years and have always had a great sex life. My husband has a high drive and even after all these years still wants me all the time! I love that he wants me so much but the hormones are just not there for me to reciprocate. I think I must be experiencing pre-menopause. Is there anything that can be done to boost my drive?



Dear K,

I don't put much faith in women's "sex drive" as it were. For me and many other women, when we stimulate our clitoris for a while, then we become interested in sex with our partners. And after a couple or more minutes, we are "turned on" and then if our lover can keep a steady beat, many of us can orgasm after 20 or more minutes. I personally need up to 45 minutes to an hour as a senior woman. Unfortunately we are using the male model of sexual response and applying that to women but it rarely works. It's easy enough to get your hormone levels checked out. I applaud your 20 year sexually active marriage. Enjoy!

Dr. Betty

Dear Betty,

That's interesting. I've never thought about that before. So, even with low hormones and not "feeling" the interest I should still engage with my hubby and his touch should get me going? I wonder how many women realize that and are putting off sex just because they "aren't in the mood"? I've always had the interest so my lack of interest is troubling to me. I have always had times of horniness where I want my husband really badly and initiate sex with him. That kind of desire has disappeared.

I never feel the urge to initiate sex anymore (he does all the initiating). We both miss my horniness!!! But I like your philosophy of "start stimulation first and getting turned on will follow". That's a new way to look at things (and something I don't think many women know...we wait until we "feel" like having sex).

Thanks Dr. Betty!!!

Liberating women one orgasm at a time