After Birth Sex is Painful

Fri, 04/19/2013 - 08:59
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I'm 27 this year and I have just had my first baby 4 months ago, I had an extremely quick labour and pushed him out in three contraction which only took 13 mins because this was so fast I came out with third degree tears to me perineum and 25 stitches, after 2 months I started sexual intercourse with my husband and experienced a fair bit of pain towards my perineum we have been using heaps of lubrication and have been having sex about 2-3 times a week. I have explored after my husband telling me that he could feel scar tissue towards the back passage and I have felt it and it still hurts and a bit lumpy and hard which I'm assuming is scare tissue.

It's still hurts for the first few minutes but gets better sometimes when he slips out and bangs it, it really hurts to the point in get tears in my eyes. I Havnt actually experienced an Orgasm through sex alone with my husband but since having my boy it has gotten closer and more intense, I feel the pain is hindering me from letting go because I get so anxious that he will hit that sore spot.

Do you think the pain will ever go away or do you think it will be like this forever. I was wondering if there are perennial excerise I could do to maybe stretch it to make it more flexible? I don't want to do surgery as I still want one or two more children and I'm sure it's going to be torn again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Thanks in advance

Dear L,

Any kind of pain will always derail pleasure during partnersex. I'm sorry to hear of your scaring and the resulting pain but I am not an MD. As a clinical sexologist I would advise no heavy or deep thrusting or banging no matter how much lube you use. Why do I get the sense that your husband doesn't understand your discomfort especially when it turns into severe pain?

Have you explained in detail when and how much it hurts? For me, any severe pain is a sign that something is wrong and must be solved to avoid repeating it again, and again. Since women have a tendency to put up with discomfort on up to severe pain to make sure "Romeo" is happy, it infuriates me. Meanwhile as long as his dick is happy, he remains oblivious to what you are feeling. Men can be such selfish bastards. Under the circumstances, I would find alternative ways to keep him sexually satisfied without you tolerating mild discomfort to agonizing pain!

The removal of scar tissue would not interfere with your next birth. However, you must find a good Gynecologist you can trust. I always ask to speak to a couple of their patients for feedback. And don't settle unless you feel confident that you've found the right match for you. If you can't resolve the pain issue during fucking, then I would establish other ways for him to get off. If he can be trained and will listen, anal sex might be an alternative along with manual and oral sex.

One thing I feel strongly about is that no woman should have to tolerate pain to satisfy a husband's sexual appetite. Under the present circumstances, vaginal penetration 3 times a week seems excessive. What's wrong with him getting himself off? Or enjoying a happy ending massage if he needs variety. I encourage you both to find alternatives instead of you suffering pain to please him in bed. Let me know how you end up solving your problem.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

His conduct is abusive,

Fri, 04/19/2013 - 13:33
Cara Magenta (not verified)

Dear L,
His conduct is abusive, as is yours to yourself. More children with, him??? 

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.