Hard for Me to Let My Partner Touch My Vulva

Sat, 03/23/2013 - 09:52
Submitted by Betty Dodson


Im 27 and in a serious relationship for almost 3 years now. We can talk open about sex, which is good. However Im having problems with getting horny, and wanting sex. This has been going on for some time now, slowly but surely.

I have been tired a long time too, it may have something to do with this, and a hard time at work.

But also I think it might have something to do with the routine, its pretty much the same routine, same things, same approach every time.

I have started to do things on my own to try to fix this, such as:
- going to bed naked, never did this before, always had the feeling that it was gross and made the sheets dirty...

- Being open to new things we can do together, such as toys and even porn.

What I do know is one of my problems is that I have a huge problem with my partner to touch me between the legs. Because of some abuse as a child I have never let anyone touch me there with fingers or face.

We are trying a new round of this too, but beginning with clothes ON (which we didnt do at first and that always ended with me getting stressed and not wanting more sex).

I have never had a problem touching myself though, its when others do it I turn to a twig and just need to stop.

I guess my question is, what else can I do, what can we do? Are the things I'm doing good?

Dear I,

Yes, the things you are trying will help. Just be aware that most all relationships go through periods when sex gets stale, routine or boring after several years. Perhaps the best book is "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Peril.

Since I'm not an expert on long term monogamous relationships, my solution was to have sex with someone else with my primary partner or just alone. The Polyamory movement seems to be growing. It's my personal belief that in the near future couples will come to understand that sexual variety is indeed the spice of life and we'll stop demanding ownership of our lovers bodies and sexuality. That will avoid repetition the breeds sexual boredom. Meanwhile, masturbation with style and great orgasms is our only variety in a world that comes in Two's like Noah's Ark.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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if you see this as connected

Sat, 03/23/2013 - 22:19
Natalie373 (not verified)

if you see this as connected to your history of abuse it could be helpful to talk to a therapist - alone or with your partner.  You might also look into EMDR, a therapy technique that is helpful for some people who have been through trauma.