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I Want Get Over My Shame & Learn How to Give a Good Blow Job

Mon, 01/28/2013 - 12:39
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Ms. Betty,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months now. I feel that I am and love with him and he has told and expressed to me that he feels the same way. I was raised to believe the sex is only for marriage and that it is a sin to have sex with anyone you are not married to. Sadly this has made me afraid to try things with my partner. I want to keep him interested and try new things with him but I do not know how to make myself relax from fear.

He has asked me about three different times if I would give him a blow job and I really want to do it for him because i know it would make him happy, he would enjoy it, and it will spice things up a little. I explained to him the way I was raised and that I was to afraid of giving him a blow job and he tells me I should try it.

I want to do it for him but there are two issues 1. I have no clue how to do it and 2. I cannot relax myself enough to do it so i feel like he wouldn't really enjoy it. Please help me I really want to do this for him after six months he has been really patience with me and I think he deserves it. I need to know how can I practice and what to do. I want to surprise him this Valentine day.

Dear A,

And what do you deserve in the sex department? It would help if your boyfriend gave you oral sex first! Then you'd know from your own experience how good it can feel and be more inclined to reciprocate.

Sorry but I'm a bit suspicious that he might be one of those guys who expects to get blown without ever going down on a pussy in return. That's the club sex scene where a couple goes into the ladies room. She gives him head to get him hard and then she bends over and gets fucked in the ass. Talk about a sexual double standard!

When you really want to do this, Just ask him to guide you verbally.

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Sharing oral sex

Mon, 01/28/2013 - 20:16
Patrick_R

Hello A. I was also raised with the belief that most kinds of sex are 'sinful'. I came to understand that sex of any kind can be a very caring form of intimacy, whether you're married to your partner or not. And I don't believe that people are 'judged' for being caring! You describe your boyfriend as patient and loving, and you seem to feel the same way about him. There's nothing in what you wrote to suggest that your boyfriend would object to going down on you in return, but I wonder how comfortable YOU would be with being on the receiving end? Some women are self-conscious about having a partner in such close contact with their vulvas, but I can promise you that a man who loves women and cares about his partner will be as eager to please you orally as you are to please him. So you might want to practice being relaxed enough to receive as well as to give oral sex.

There are instructional videos on how to give good oral sex. It would be ideal though if you and your boyfriend could take turns discovering how to please one another orally. You and he don't have to be 'perfect' but just willing to learn. That would be a great gift to give one another.

I think Patrick nailed it!!!

Tue, 01/29/2013 - 02:04
Reallywantgoodsex

I too can put myself in your shoes when I was younger...Feeling the "love" the bond...wanting to please, because it's just our "role" that we've seemed to fall into. I honestly hope when my daughter is your age she feels comfortable enough to enough to "own" the situation "the moment" that has blessed you both. I can look back now & say why didn't I, why couldn't I accept the "love". As a 41 year old who wishes she could turn back time...You are so deserving of your boyfriend going down on you & the fact that you state "I want to get over my shame and learn how to give a good blow job" makes me sad!!! The word "shame" in your question to Betty makes me angry and that is why iI am responding tonight. the fact that you feel bad...Sweetie he's not feeling bad & he wants to feel even better. you need to join him. Why is it that it always seems to be about the man? is it just our internal instincts to be the nurturer? We are equally deserving of orgasms or just feeling the love!!! Why has he not tried to please you in this amazing way! I am sure you have discouraged it? I know I definitely did, I was way too subconscious...thinking about all those crazy insecurities that Betty & Carlin discuss on this fabulous website & as I mentioned earlier we seem to automatically come into this world with the "pleaser" role because of our motherly instincts. So I'm here today to say it's 2013 & we have to have evolved from 1986??? (My era). He's not being shy telling you that he'd like to have you give him a blow job. You must tell yourself that YOU deserve to be pleasured and sit back & enjoy what he can do for you! Betty & Carlin always say at this stage in the game it's not about intercourse, it's about exploring each others bodies. I say enjoy it! I hope to see on this link that your boyfriend has explored all the possibilities of YOU and that once you've experienced this bliss that it's a team effort. Patrick I see a lot of your comments & I wish you were closer, I could use some of your rationalization!

Thank you, I agree

Wed, 01/30/2013 - 00:43
Patrick_R

Hi Reallywantgoodsex (don't we all!). I'm in total agreement that pleasuring is a team effort for both to enjoy equally. It can be hard to overcome that initial shyness and self-consciousness, but it's SO worth it. I think we all need to appreciate our bodies as inherently beautiful and sexual. When we do, we won't hesitate to ask for what we want, and we'll be eager to give our lovers what they want, too. Thanks for the kind words by the way. I guess we're all as close as this forum itself, or the 'Personal Contact Form' in our profiles! I hope that A will let herself realize that she deserves to receive as well as to give pleasure, and will do both with equal enthusiasm.

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