I Came Out as Bisexual

Tue, 01/22/2013 - 09:51
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I messaged you around a year ago regarding my anxieties, and doubts about my sexuality. All is now well on that front, and I came out as Bisexual. It was such a relief to do so. Having said that, I currently have a fuck buddy, [who I find unattractive and who is really not my type, and who I don't particularly want to visit], yet I just can't help myself in going back for more [I do enjoy giving him oral, however, so it ain't all bad].

During the sexual act, I'm analyzing everything that is occurring, even my thoughts. I just really couldn't give a shit anymore, and I hate beating myself up for merely being human, and most importantly, for being myself. I know that this can be a psychologically damaging "illness" [I hesitate using that word], but I have this feeling that it only becomes damaging when one starts to attach any importance to what is going on. What do you think ? I'm quite defiant in stating that I do not wish to change this supposed compulsion, and why should I ? I'm breaking no laws, and I am hurting absolutely no-one.

Dear A,

I'm happy to hear you have chosen a sexual identity that works for you. Very cool.
As for your "sexual compulsion" you could just as easily call it a sexual choice or your current sexual preference. When you say you're "analyzing everything occurring" I too went through a phase like that. I wondered if my thinking about sex so much was making the experience less pleasurable. Then it all passed quite spontaneously.

Our sexual patterns, appetites and interests will change throughout our lives even though society wants us to believe that most people are heterosexual married monogamous couples. We know that's far from true. Let pleasure be your guide and accept the truth that nothing is ever permanent.

Love back to you,
Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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A, it seems to me that it's

Wed, 01/23/2013 - 10:59

A, it seems to me that it's good that you acknowledge you have a variety of desires. To many of us, our 'unacceptable' desires remain unconscious due to social pressures. However, while your desires per se may not be a problem, it might not be wise to have a 'buddy' about whom you seem to like absolutely nothing except the fact that he has a cock. That's very limited, and it might also be unfair to your friend as well as yourself. Why not try to find someone who really is more to your liking? Whatever our gender or orientation, if we select partners solely on the basis of what's between their legs we could end up very disappointed, as well as disappointing someone else.

Good for you

martiB's picture
Tue, 05/28/2013 - 17:00

I'm always happy when I read about someone comming out and embracing themselves for who they are. Better and more healthy for you to embrace and exercise it than to repress it. Being bi myself, finding someone who understands and will support your needs is the next challange.
I was lucky to have found a boyfriend who accepts me and I know you will find someone also. Being bi used to be lonely but that is changing now, thank goodness, as it is being understood and accepted in society. It's almost common place now in some parts.
We love each other and love our sex together but he understand the other side of me and how it craves to be fulfilled as much sometimes.... maybe more than sometimes. I masturbate a lot in between our sex like most bi friends I know, and that helps, but it still doesn't tame the beast. I have to eventually have the touch of another woman. Knowing it is no fault of my own, and loving me for who I am, he encourages me to hook up with the female side whenever I can so I never feel ashamed or restrain myself out of fear of hurting his feelings. My orgasms with a woman are always strong and plentiful knowing it makes him as happy as it does me.


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