How Can I Learn to Masturbate with My Hands?

Fri, 01/25/2013 - 15:12
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Dr. Betty,

I am a nineteen year old woman who has been masturbating for as long as I can remember. I have tried countless times to use my hands (and followed your detailed instructions for First Orgasm three times) and it does not do anything for me. The way I have always masturbated is using a blanket or a pillow and sort of humping it. Sometimes I feel satisfied, sometimes I don't, but it always feels good.

My concern is that I identify as queer and at the moment am much more attracted to women. Unfortunately, humping a blanket isn't exactly a two person activity. I want to understand how to use my hands in order to guide my future partner(s) and to know what it is I want. Additionally, to be a better partner to them. What exactly is it that I am achieving by using a blanket/pillow that I can't seem to do with my hands? In addition, how do I go about explaining this to future lovers?


Dear G,

If you want to become more proficient by pleasing yourself with your fingers then you gotta dump your pillow humping. Otherwise you will not know how to touch your future girl lover. Right now, your masturbation technique is very indirect clit stim. The good part is the "humping" or pelvic movement that is combined with pressing your clit nto your blanky or pillow, a common childhood masturbation technique. Since you've been using this system for "as long as you can remember" it will take more time to learn a new approach. Keep practicing.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Reading this, I was reminded

Sun, 01/27/2013 - 02:43

Reading this, I was reminded of an answer Betty gave some time ago to another female needing to learn a new masturbation technique. I loved how she said it's like learning a new dance step, and it's not going to happen over night. And that's okay. I remember her saying (maybe in a youtube-clip?) that you can give yourself a time limit, say 15 minutes, getting to know your clit/vulva and practicing a new technique, and then you can always finish off the way you're used to. Expect it to take time.

Personally, G, if you communicate as well as you do in your question here, just telling like it is (you're used to this, and you have yet to learn that, and you're interested in learning what you yourself as well as your partner/s like), I suspect you'll be more than fine. A dose of courage mixed with knowing yourself and your current challenges make for excellent communication skills and I can't think of better conditions for enjoyable partner-sex. Good luck!

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