For the First Time I Found Pleasure in Using My Hands to Touch Myself

Sat, 11/24/2012 - 08:24
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty and Carlin!

I guess you get emails like this all the time, but I wanted to write you and thank you with all my heart! I stumbled across your video “How do I know if I had an orgasm” less than 48 hours ago, and it already changed my life!

I'm 25 years old and had my first sexual experiences with another person at 16, my first “real” sex at 19. I always thought I was unable to have an orgasm, and I had the deep belief that something was wrong with me! It kept me awake at night, it made me cry, it made me hate my body and feel betrayed having sex with my boyfriend, which led to not wanting to have sex at all. I tried to avoid the topic in my head because it was too painful, but sometimes it came up, making me browse the internet for hours to find help.

And I always read the same things, that always made me feel worse about myself. I never enjoyed masturbating, because I just didn’t feel anything when I touched myself, making me feel even worse afterwards. So I hardly ever masturbated (by that I mean 4 times in a “good” year), and when I did it felt like a chore because I had read something about it somewhere. Still I had very vivid sexual fantasies since I was young.

I bought my first vibrator when I was about 21, but I never really liked it – now I know that it was simply too big for me. Fortunately my current boyfriend likes to experiment and we bought some toys for us/me. I tried to masturbate with different vibrators and it felt good, but since I never felt what I imagined an orgasm to be like this too got me frustrated.

To sum it up, my whole experience with masturbation was extremely frustrating, while my experience with sex was overall good, but still made me feel dysfunctional because I couldn’t “come”.

And then, two days ago, I found your video and your website, and started thinking about myself and my sex life. It hit me – these feelings that I sometimes have during sex or masturbation could actually be orgasms! No one ever told me that! I always believed that, as you put it, there have to be “fireworks”, my world needs to crumble and my brain needs to shut off. That never happened for me, but I’ve had moments where I couldn’t stop screaming, all the muscles in my body would move uncontrollably and I felt like I was going to explode from how good it felt! My boyfriend even asked me sometimes if I was sure I didn’t come, because for him it looked like I did. Still I wasn’t able to put one and one together…

Today I read your “first time orgasm”-article. I didn’t follow it step by step, but it (and other articles on your website) finally made me try to masturbate not just to “get there”, but to explore my body and find out what feels good, without giving up as soon as it didn’t work perfectly. For the first time I found pleasure in using my hands to touch myself, and when using a vibrator afterwards I think I had my first “conscious” orgasm – the first one that I identified as one. I think I found out more about my body in the last two days than in the 25 years before!

So Betty and Carlin, I cannot thank you enough for what you do! You helped me more than you can imagine!!!


P.S.: Sorry for the long letter and sorry for any mistakes, I’m from Austria and English isn’t my first language.

Liberating women one orgasm at a time