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I'm Addicted to My Vibrator During Sex

Sat, 09/08/2012 - 10:52
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I've been with my husband for almost 4 years now, and I started using a vibrator for a little extra fun. After a week of using it during sex I have been unable to have sex without it because it causes me to be in pain and the vibrator takes the pain away. I don't know if it's must mental or physical, but I would really like to be able to have an intimate moment with my husband without using it. We are both getting quite frustrated with it.

I have read a few blogs about it now and most of them are not helpful to what I want. They say things like, "just keep using it if that is what works for you." and "a lot of women don't get orgasms at all, so consider yourself lucky to have figured it out." again, that is not what I want to hear. I need advise on how to stop using it. Period. We have tried lubricant, finger play, oral, and many other ways. I just don't want to have to use the thing just to be able to have sex at all. What should I do? Please help!

Thank you for your time,
M

Dear M,

I'm confused why you would think using a vibrator kills the intimacy while it allows you to enjoy orgasms. And what do you mean by saying "After a week of using it during sex I have been unable to have sex without it because it causes me to be in pain and the vibrator takes the pain away." It sounds like the vibrator has been a good sexual aid, not an enemy of "intimacy" as it includes having orgasmic pleasure during sex with your partner.

I've said this many times before: In order to change over from a vibrator to your own or your partners manual touching or his oral sex, give your vibrator to a fiend and begin the long journey of going without orgasms. While it can be done you must involve all the fantasies you can conjure up and try every sex position in the books hoping to come. This can take months or not happen at all and then you really feel defeated.

I suggest you see your vibrator as a valid sexual preference, not a way to avoid intimacy (which sounds more like the desire of a partner who wants to make you come from his super duper manual skills). Going without your orgasms while he gets off is what I'd call lack of intimacy. What an overused word that's also quite misunderstood. If you find a method that works, please share it with me.

Dr. Betty

We Suggest: 
Partner Assisted Masturbation
"So I Bought a Vibrator & Literally Got to It"
Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop
Original Drawing Betty Dodson
How to Best Use a Vibrator
Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Go to a GOOD doctor,  

Sun, 09/09/2012 - 14:13
Darius (not verified)

Go to a GOOD doctor,   painful sex can be caused by medical stuff.   Google painful sex / illness
Barring any medical problems  try adding stuff that relaxes you before you try anything involving insertion.     Sometimes a person needs to be very relaxed AND very aroused for insertion sex.
(yes this is sort of a contradiction, but I don't know how else to put it without discussing stuff I'm not going to post without consent from someone else)

If you had orgasms before you got the vibe

Sun, 09/09/2012 - 16:21
Jake E

M if you started using the vibrator for a "bit of extra fun" it sounds like you had orgasms during sex before you got it. You've probably over stimulated. Just give it to a friend as Betty suggested and let your clit re-adjust to manual handling. It's best to not have sex at all for a few days but let sexual energy build up. Then let the session revolve around your pleasure so that you come 1st and your husband is filled with desire until you do. If you don't then give up for that day and let him orgasm and accept it won't happen in a day. You had orgasms before you got the vibe and you will again. Our bodies are very adaptable and you will re-sensitise. 

Vibrator habituation

Sun, 09/09/2012 - 23:00
Patrick_R

I think we can become so accustomed to the intense stimulation of vibrators (and their relatively instant gratification) that our bodies 'forget' what it was like before we began using them. Orgasms may take more work without electrical power, but people have been having them that way for centuries, and still do. My wife's most frequent orgasms are actually from manual stimulation. Why not practice on your own, without any pressure, and get used to how fingers feel again? In the meantime, you could try having partner sex as an exercise in intimacy, without any straining for orgasm or doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. You can always use the vibrator, either alone or with your partner, whenever you really need to come. Personally I think it's great to be able to orgasm in a variety of different ways. You never know when the power might go out!

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