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I Just Can't Get Wet During Sex

Tue, 08/14/2012 - 12:13
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I'm 17 and I masturbate almost every other day or so. I have had sex 6 times with my boyfriend. No matter what I try or what he tries, I just can't get wet. It's not that I can't turn myself on or that he can't, I would always feel hot but that is it.

I don't know if this is a problem or if it is normal, but it is very embarrassing and painful during sex. I have been thinking about going to my gynecologist and discussing this with her but I feel like she would just give me a stupid look since I am only 17. I feel ashamed of my body because of this. Also, when I masturbate it takes me forever to orgasm. I either use my fingers to stimulate my clit or the shower head and I always have to have something inside me while I stimulate my clit.

I can only orgasm once every 30 minutes or so when I masturbate. During sex, I always have to stimulate my clit and even then I barely get off. This causes my boyfriend to think he is doing something wrong. It also gets a little annoying having to grab the lube almost every 10 minutes. Is it normal that I can't get wet? Is there anything I can do to change that besides lube? And no matter what I do or what my boyfriend does, I always seem to have a hard time reaching even just one orgasm.

Dear H,

First off you are at the beginning of you sexual unfolding. I too had difficulty with lubrication in the beginning due to my nervousness about sex with a partner. And complaining about not having multiple orgasms is ridiculous at your age. Instead of having consecutive orgasms every 30 minutes, how about saving up with an even slower build-up and have a bigger orgasm and then stop! I suspect you and your inexperienced boyfriend are using the male model of sexual response that just doesn't apply to women.

A friend of mine could never lubricate with her boyfriend. But when they finally decided to have a threesome, sex with a woman had her dripping wet. Go figure. Also you might have so much anxiety to please this boy that you are unable to enjoy yourself. Start reading around the website and educate yourself about female sexuality and then share that information with him. Most all sophisticated women use additional lubrication to more fully enjoy sex.

Stimulating your clitoris during intercourse is what I recommend. Stop worrying about upsetting your overly delicate boyfriend. Don't sacrifice your own pleasure to please him. Most women are NOT able to orgasm from penis/vagina penetration. Be grateful you can reach even ONE orgasm. Maybe he needs to learn a few sexual skills.

Dr. Betty

We Suggest: 
I Didn't Pee So I Could Get the True Taste of My Pussy
Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop
When I Stopped Begging God to Change Me
Our Favorite Lubricants
Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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So the question is if dryness is a problem all the time?

Wed, 08/15/2012 - 20:38
Heylin

Some things I'm curious about:
Are you on birth control pills? Could that have an effect?
Do you have dryness all the time?
What kind of lube do you use? Some lubes are kind of irritating and can make the vagina unhappy the next day.
I don't think your GYN would give you a stupid look for bringing this up. Personally I didn't need lube until my 40's. One lady in her 60's told me that she doesn't need lube. I've also heard from younger women who do need lube. So needing or not needing lube is a personal thing.
My last question is for how long are you having intercourse? You mentioned having to lube up every 10 minutes. If you are going at it for long enough, anyone will dry up without reapplying lube.
So if this is a problem and you are having pain, then address this with your physician. The better orgasms will take time and practice. Good luck!

lube every 10 minutes?   try

Thu, 08/16/2012 - 21:04
darius (not verified)

lube every 10 minutes?   try a different lube (If I had to guess I'd say try silicone based)  If you have tried silicone  try different brands  (some water based lubes get "tacky" after a while)  and some don't.   Would give a recommendation, but I'd wager different ones work differently for different people :)    

aloe vera gel as a lube?

Fri, 08/17/2012 - 16:40
bliss2345 (not verified)

I'm prone to UTIs and I have so far found that all commercial lubes irritate me, even the organic ones:o( so recently I bought some 99.9% Aloe Vera gel and it worked a treat, with a lovely sensual feel and no trace of irritation. I'm wondering what other peoples experiences of aloe Vera gel have been like? Or whether anyone has any other recommendations for sensitive vulvas! I know betty has recommended sweet almond oil, which I like too.

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