I Love My Lovers Trasgender Identity More Than He Does

Mon, 07/30/2012 - 13:28
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Dear Betty,

First of all thank you for the work you do. The dodsonandross website is really inspiring to me and I regret discovering it only lately. I apologise for my not-perfect english, I am not a native speaker.

I'm 26 year old bio women, for some time regarding myself as bisexual and queer and feeling more and more free from what I've learned from the society and at school about my sexuality and gender.

Since half a year I am in a relationship with a partner I would never dreamed of before. He is female to male transgender person and he has got all those things I love about both biological sexes. When I discovered that he is transgender (as he was not telling me that during our 2 year long friendship before we became lovers), I just felt like if I found a perfect partner for me. I am soooo hot for his pussy and I am so hot because of his muscular, masculine body and I find his face's intriguing transgender beauty even more hot.

But the problem is he does not accept his own identity. He suffered a lot, being born and growing up in a small town in east european, catholic country, where people consider gay and lesbians as Satan's children, not even mentioning someone who is transgender. He is sure that he is ILL and his illness is called transgenderism. It is the shit all the doctors and psychologist told him over the years and he fully believes that. He doesn't want anyone to know about his 'illness'.

I am proud of who he is. I am afraid of telling anyone about his biological sex, though I am so excited about it and that's one of those things I love about him. Another thing is that he is the only active part during our sex. And I am just dying to touch and lick his pussy. But he is ashamed of it. I have never seen him fully naked.

I touched his genitals twice during 6 months since we are lovers, always with an effect that he felt bad about it. I just don't know what to do to make him change the way he thinks
about himself without pushing him too much. He is so concentrated on proving his masculinity all the time that I am afraid of seriously touching his feelings, if talking about his pussy or female life he led before.

For me it is just a very personal, sad story proving how crazy society standards can simply destroy ones live. To be able to legally change your gender here in Poland you have to go through a long process of medical and psychological testes, proving that ( in case of f to m transition) you have been playing with cars in your childhood, that you are attracted to women not men, that you like football and all that other bullshit. And you pay a lot of money for it and in the end you get a medical opinion that you suffer from transgender illness.

How can I make my partner change this crazy way of thinking? And finally be fully able to enjoy his beautiful body and identity?

Dear E,

My dear woman you cannot "make" or "change" another person's mind. Standing by him and loving him is the very best you can do. I know it must be very difficult for you especially since there doesn't seem to be a very visible transgendered population in Poland. It would be great if he could talk to other F to M transgendered folks. The group dynamic would be very healing sharing his struggle with other transsexuals.

I have often felt the same as you; my ideal lover would be a F to M transgendered person. Like you said, the best of both worlds. However, if the person involved does not accept themselves then it's a problem. Maybe he can go online and connect with other transsexuals. It's worth a try. Support groups help to let the person know they are not alone. Meanwhile your love and acceptance will have to be enough for two.

Dr. Betty

PS. Your English is nearly perfect.

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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There are reources

Sun, 08/12/2012 - 07:56
WildOrchid (not verified)

First thing that comes to my mind is Trans-fuzja. Check it out! There are workshops (mainly in Warsaw), recomedations for trans-positive therapists and other resources. Good luck!