Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

 0 items

• Login
• Join

Search this site:

Yes, being alone is really important. I have experienced it myself, when masturbating with boyfriend around - he starts to help you, and what you need is to take your orgasm as your responsibility, not someone else's. I am even moving separate, as the opportunity arised, because I cannot really concentrate on myself other way and learn those practices.

Dr Betty, I get what you're saying about the importance of privacy in self-exploration and learning to orgasm. Once she learns about her own responses, she'll be in a position to teach her husband just what she likes. However, you suggest that her husband masturbate (presumably all by himself) for his own sexual relief. While I'm sure her husband could see to all of his own needs during her learning period, I wonder if that's a good idea---and perhaps it's not what you're suggesting.

It could take months for this woman to learn to be orgasmic. In view of the fact that they have a basically happy marriage and seem to care about one another, wouldn't it be appropriate for her to help him with his sexual needs at least sometimes, even if he can't reciprocate yet? That way, they at least have some kind of sharing going on. If not, they're in a situation in which each goes off into another room and and focuses on their own solitary pleasure. While this is necessary up to a point, I would be concerned that such a complete lack of togetherness might further damage their feelings of connection. What level of erotic contact could this couple safely have while she is learning about her own sexual responses? It seems to me that at the very least they could still share massages and cuddling, and tell each other how that day's masturbation session went. It's important to keep up the sense of being connected in an intimate partnership.

Of course they can cuddle and share massage and if she's so inclined she can give hubby a hand. It's just as long as he agrees to not start up with any sexual activity until she's on the other side of her complaint. She will need alone time to explore this on her own.
There are many other possibilities as to what could be causing her shut down. If the links I gave her don't help then she might consider some kind of counseling. We don't know if she was ever orgasmic with or without him. It might just be as simple as he has lost touch with what used to work for her if it ever did. Hopefully she will get back to me with some kind of feedback after practicing masturbation.

I suggest that in addition to your protocol Dr Betty,  'A' may benefit greatly by including some occasions of extensive unconditional, compassionate touch all over her body (excluding the genitals, unless she gets the urge to do it herself or have it done for her), by someone who knows about giving that kind of pleasure to women.