Dear Dr. Betty,
I'm 18.5 years old and I've never fallen in love. Moreover, I have never met a person who turned me on.
I have a boyfriend at the moment; he's one year older than me. I'm his first girlfriend and the first girl he's ever kissed, and he's my first experience of a romantic relationship as well. He's very sweet and kind to me, and he doesn't push me to do things I don't want to do. He's not bad looking either.
But despite all the above, I'm not sexually attracted to him. I don't enjoy our kisses because I'm repelled by the saliva, and try to avoid these as much as I can.
I think my behaviour is abnormal, and I even suspect asexuality is my case, but I do get turned on when I hear people talk about sex. I get aroused when sex is described, when I read about it for example. I've never watched porn because genitals put me off as well. In conclusion, I find sex appealing as long as it's not visual. And I understand this is odd; the phrase 'a picture is worth 1000 words' explains why well.
I don't know what to do. I know that most people would say that I should break up with him, but I don't think that I'll find anyone else who'll attract me sexually if he really doesn't (because he's very handsome, and has a great personality too). I do want to have sexual experiences, and I believe it's a very important part of an adult's life. I can't help but feel that if I give up on having romantic relationships, I'll be missing one of the greatest pleasures.
You are not what is termed "asexual" but you are non-sexual. Our interest in sex begins in childhood when we have an urge to touch our genitals. If a small child is punished or harshly admonished, it leaves a serious imprint that may not even be recognized by the individual. If you wish to grow in the direction of becoming sexual, you must start with yourself. That means practicing genital self touching to discover sexual arousal and orgasm. If this prospect seems utterly impossible or repugnant, then living a life of celibacy is a valid choice. Buddhist and Catholic nuns forgo all sexual urges in their religious practices. I suggest you think about what you want and then talk to your boyfriend about all of this. He has a right to know if you plan on overcoming any of your sexual inhibitions before he spends anymore time with you. Depending upon your decision, if you decide to move toward developing a sexlife, all the information you need in on D&R.
Your English is excellent. What part of the world are you from? I'd like to know what you decide so get back to me later on.