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Hand Jobs from BF Hard & Fast - He Misses My Clit

Sun, 04/29/2012 - 08:38
Submitted by Betty Dodson

My best friend and I have been fooling around a lot, he has always been a good listener and he really cares about me. BUT. he will try to get me to come and will rub my vulva really fast and hard and the whole time he never seems to actually touch my clit. What should I do so I can actually orgasm when we're playing?

Dear B,

You must open your mouth and tell him what you do want. He's doing to you what he does to himself when he masturbates. It's also what he sees in porn. And it will continue until you not only tell him, but actually show him how you touch yourself when you masturbate.

This information is all over our website. I suggest you spend some time educating yourself about female sexuality. When you find a good essay or download a clip that deals with vulvas and clitorises, invite him to join you and look at some of the images together. You must learn to communicate what you like once you know yourself so you can enjoy sex and orgasms with a partner.

Meanwhile he's hooked on "making you come" which will never work. That's more about his masculine ego than your pleasure. We are each responsible for our own orgasms so after you let him know what you like, you can also tell him that you are perfectly capable of being in charge of your own orgasms. Ah, the male ego is an amazing thing and female passivity is the perfect match.

Dr.Betty

We Suggest: 
Partner Assisted Masturbation
Why Some Women Don't Like Sex
Awakening the Clitoris
Some Points on Handling a Clitoris
Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Male Egos

Tue, 05/01/2012 - 22:14
EG1 (not verified)

I'm sure that there are instances of the male ego being responsible for the way men perform sex.  But please don't assume that it always is, if it is not being done "right."  It is quite possible that he just doesn't know because of lack of experience.  And it is possible that he was "trained"  by porn, and may be the reason he just is unaware.  It isn't necessarily always a male ego.   Don't stereotype.

However, your respnse here, in general, is exactly right.  As I was reading the post, my immediate thought was, "tell him."  That seems to be the biggest problem in sex.  People are afraid to talk to their partners.  Communicate!

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