Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi Betty.

Recently I've rediscovered the joy of sex, and now I want to put an effort in to trying to get an orgasm, which I still haven't had at the age of 34, not on my own and not with a guy.

A few days back I was masturbating, using only my fingers. I had 1 finger inside my vagina pressing up towards the g-spot and making sideways motions, and the other hand was rubbing my clitoris. After a while I felt this warm and burning feeling in my vulva, my feet were moving like drumsticks and it was really good, but I didn't feel any contractions. My hands and fingers at that time were so tired that I couldn't control them properly anymore so I had to stop. Would you say that this was close to an orgasm and that if I just had continued I probably would have got an orgasm?

K

Dear K,

The G spot is part of the clitoral system, only it's indirect stimulation. To activate your orgasms at first, I recommend focusing on your clitoris with well-oiled fingers. Check out "How to Orgasm" top of the left hand column on the front page. Once you master direct clit stim, you can add vaginal penetration with a dildo and engage your pelvic floor muscles while rocking and squeezing them rhythmically; squeeze and release.

At 34, you might want to use a small battery vibrator so your hand and fingers don't get so tired. One of my big complaints with all the G spot information (much of it still questionable) is the focus on the vagina and not the clitoris which is our primary place of sexual pleasure. That's why the clitoris is not inside the vaginal birth canal exposing all 8,000 nerve endings to giving birth. We do not necessarily always feel vaginal contractions when having an orgasm. Listen to your body and don't believe everything you read. Keep practicing. You are doing just fine.

Dr. Betty