Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
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Betty's Vaginal Barbell |
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My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir - EBOOK EDITION |
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Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop DVD |
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Betty Dodson Liberating women one orgasm at a time |
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Carlin Ross Sex, Politics & More Sex |
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Eric Amaranth Sex life coaching and neo-male perspectives. |
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Lawrence Lanoff President of Pleasure, Tantric Master. Creator of Tantra-X University. |
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Liandra Dahl Sex Documentarian |
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BorderReiver Restoring My Foreskin |
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Caitlin Bovard From the bible belt to under the belt |
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Caitlin Roberts Taking Back "Slut" |
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cajun sausage Lovin' Dr. Betty since 1996! |
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Christina Cicchelli |
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Danny Wylde Male. Libra. Whore |
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Jenn Parenthood. With Cursing |
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Kasini Poet. Educator. Catalyst. Mother. |
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LesleyS Redefining my sexual self after babies. |
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Logan Levkoff sexologist, sex educator, intellisexual, author, mom |
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Scout Life...Parenting...Bodysex |
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VirginMonoblogger Thought all virgins were the same? Think again. |
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WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, bisexual fetishist. |
Hi Dr. Betty,
I can always tell when I'm orgasming through clitoral stimulation with the use of my fingers or my boyfriend's fingers. When he fingers me, my whole body trembles and my head feels fuzzy, my palms get sweaty, among a host of other things. When I finger myself and climax, I usually squirt. The only time I am ever TOTALLY CONFUSED is when my boyfriend gives me oral sex. I feel aroused and when he's done I've wet the bed a little bit...so I'm assuming I squirted but does that mean I also orgasmed and didn't notice it? I get aroused and more aroused but then the arousal goes away... Does that mean I orgasmed and didn't even know it? I usually CAN tell, except for oral...I'm so confused.
Dear L,
Your confusion is universal. Squirting is not the same as having an orgasm and no orgasm lasts much longer than moments. What with all the fanfare, porn and women's magazines discussing and promoting an alphabet inside our vaginas of so-called "hot spots" starting with the G, and ending with the D spots, it's a wonder any young woman is coming. All of this bogus information is just to get woman back into vaginal orgasms, usually a man's preference when it comes to partnersex.
For the record, clitoral stimulation is the primary path to women's orgasms. Squirting from G spot stimulation is like a novelty compared to the clitoris which is far more extensive than the little nub we can see. That's only the clitoral glans. In my humble opinion, the combination of clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration at the same time is the best of both worlds.
Today much of this confusion is coming from women who are relying on male partners to help them discover their orgasms. The best way to do this is for each woman to explore her own body through masturbation alone. Otherwise, our well meaning lovers are using the male model for sexual arousal and orgasm, but we operate quite differently. You'll find this out when you explore your own vulva in the privacy of your room. Check out my basic steps in "How to Orgasm" on the front page left hand column followed by "How to Orgasm During Partnersex." Basically it's adding the kind of clit stim you use during masturbation during penetration sex with your BF. It's called the Combo orgasm.
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These are all good points,
These are all good points, but at least to me it doesn't seem to answer the question properly. It sounds to me like this person knows her vulva pretty well and is masturbating and all that, her confusion is seems to be quite specific and it seems to be around oral stimulation and orgasms.
L, Could it be that you haven't had as much experience with oral stimulation as you have had with fingers+clit? I, myself, haven't yet recognized an orgasm from oral stimulation (although the bed gets really wet!), and I'm thinking it takes a while to get used to it. It took me a while to learn how to orgasm from my own fingers, and then it took another while to be able to orgasm with my partner, and as I can't practice oral stimulation by myself I'm pretty sure it'll take a while. And maybe the orgasm won't feel like it does when I get other kinds of stimulation? I don't know. They say there are many types of orgasms. :) It's also a different kind of interaction with my partner and there are so many ways you can stimulate the vulva with the mouth/tongue, so there are many things to try. So, my advice would be: Relax. If you can. And just feel the sensations. Try different things. Whatever happens is good, as long as it feels right. :) Maybe you won't know if it is an orgasm or not, for a while, or ever, and that's okay too!
Me too
I am in the process of learning to orgasm, and when I on my own use my vibrator on my clit with no vaginal penetration, I will get to a point where I sort of squirt, meaning that I discharge a clear fluid in a small gush. There is no penetration, and the good feelings are still building when it happens, so I am pretty sure it is not an orgasm. It is different from the sticky wet of arousal, at one point I thought I peed, but it is clear and doesn't smell of urine.
maybe not the right question
L - I have had the same problem, but during sex. My boyfriend obsessively tends to ask me "did you come?" and sometimes I have this same feeling.. I am no longer aroused.. but not sure if I came... but in the end it doesn't really matter to me whether I had a technical orgasm or not, if you are satisfied with what you got to you have to define it? And if you DO want to define it, are you doing it for you? I am sick of orgasming so that I can answer "yes" to that question, so I have asked him to stop asking and stop worrying about it.
Just my two cents!
Girls, if you're not sure if
Girls, if you're not sure if you've come, you can be pretty sure you havn't.
Elin A, I'm not so sure
Elin A, I'm not so sure that's the case. It's pretty often mentioned here on D&R, for example, that lots and lots of people don't recognize an orgasm, often because of unrealistic exceptions. I think various variations on "did I come?" are fair questions that should be taken seriously (although the answer could be that it doesn't always matter).
CEL, You're right,
CEL,
You're right, indeed.
However, in this particular case she clearly states "[= 14px; line-height: 22px]I can always tell when I'm orgasming" in a different context. So she does know what it feels like, but got confused since she's associated squirting completely with having an orgasm. [/]
[= 14px; line-height: 22px]But, interestingly enough I now recall one time when I was masturbating. I'd been going a while and wanted to stretch out my arousal (this is cool, because I actually was watching my vulva in the mirror and could see it happening). I had taken a small break (like less than a minute) when all of the sudden my vaginal muscles start convulsing, spontaneously as it appeared. I felt no pleasure, there was no build-up. I guess maybe my muscles couldn't take the tension or something. Technically, I suppose one could qualify it as an orgasm, even though I felt zilch.[/]
Elin A, that's interesting, I
Elin A, that's interesting, I love that your were able to watch your vaginal muscles convulsing in the mirror. It sounds reasonable that the muscles couldn't take the tension and that's what happened.
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