I Can't Orgasm During Oral Sex

Thu, 09/22/2011 - 16:19
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi :D

I have two problems :(
I'm 18 years old and I've only recently started getting sexually active. But I no longer want to bother with letting my partner go down on me anymore or rub my clit because I never get close to coming. I don't want to waste his time, but he is so desperate to get it right.

I constantly pull away or tell him to come up for a rest because I feel too sensitive or not sensitive enough. I've asked him to lower the pressure and loosen up his tongue a little, and to put more pressure on my clit with his fingers but none of it works. Stiff tongue = I feel way too much. Soft tongue = I feel next to nothing. Light touch with fingers = Nothing. Harder touch = Still nothing. It only feels good when he kisses my clit. If I could get him to kiss my clit the whole time, mmm.. It would take forever, but mmm :)

Now I'm not sure if any of this has to do with the fact that I'm so used to me doing myself, I have been masturbating for years and years. I masturbate rather quickly. I don't do the kind of slow-ish small circles on the clit. I'm wondering if I can't get off while he rubs my clit because of the fact that I've done it quick ever since I began masturbating. I'm a bit worried to ask him to do it faster because.. I've never given control of my clit to anybody else, he might do it too hard but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I watch pornographic videos of women having oral sex performed on them and I just thought, "I can't wait to feel the wet warmth and texture of a man's tongue stroking clit until I come," and while I do get the wet warmth of a man's tongue, I don't get an orgasm.

Please help!

Dear E,

One problem is having a boyfriend who is "so desperate to get it right." Once again this is the case of a man measuring his sexual worth by a woman's response. That's a result of watching porn where women carry on and on often faking an exaggerated orgasm. You're not only wasting his but also your time and you both end up feeling badly. Take oral sex off your menu for now. Or tell the truth about wanting him to kiss your clit continuously but there's no guarantee that you'll come with that either. The consistent problem with oral sex for most women besides lack of skill on their partners part is always feeling like we are taking too long. The final problem is being afraid we will hurt his or her feelings when we tell the truth. That's doing a big sexual disservice to you both.

One solution would be to share masturbation with him. That way he could observe how you handle your own clit as well as you observing how he does himself. There are many ways to share our orgasms. How about you do your own clit while he slowly moves his fingers inside you vagina using some kind of additional lube. While it's nice to think a woman's own sexual juice is sufficient, there's nothing nicer than the feel of slippery sensations provided by a quality massage oil. All of this information is available on the website.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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