Post-Ovulation it's Almost Impossible to Orgasm

Mon, 07/11/2011 - 12:53
Submitted by Betty Dodson

First of all, thank you! Before I found your site four years ago, I had had one single orgasm in my forty years, and that was the first time I made love with my now husband, a four hour marathon!

Thanks to you I bought a magic wand and was able to fairly easily orgasm powerfully and get that blessed release. I now masturbate with my wand (I have a few other toys as well but they aren't effective) and porn about 2-3 times a week. I find it relaxes me and keeps me satisfied since life with small children does not lead to an active sex life!

My question is this - during the early part of my cycle, up until I ovulate, I have pretty good orgasms about 2/3 of the time. I occasionally have an excellent orgasm (usually around ovulation), and the disappointing ones are tiny and not relaxing. If I keep going, I get a bit numb, bored, and lose arousal. I've tried taking a break and coming back later in the day, but that doesn't seem to work - I'm now a one orgasm/day kind of girl. Sad, since when I started I could have three or four in a row with just a little downtime. Post ovulation it's nearly impossible to orgasm, and if I do, it's a tiny little morsel of an orgasm :-(

I do fall into the habit of using the same technique because it's the only one that works for me. I have tried backing off just before orgasm to prolong the intensity, but that doesn't seem to make much of a difference and I just get a bit frustrated. (Can you tell I'm a stressed-out, time-sensitive, type A working mom?)

Please, any suggestions for having better, releasing orgasms? Even one or two multiples now and then would be nice! I am grateful for what I have, but I would like something better. I haven't found it possible to orgasm without the wand and porn, and I wonder if that's part of it. I've tried baths, candles, music, lingerie, wine... no change.

I am willing to invest in a few inexpensive additional toys too if that would help. Anything at this point to have more consistently good orgasms when I have the time!

Thanks very much!

Dear J,

For a stressed-out, time-sensitive, type A working mom you're doing great. So lets start from there. For me, when my masturbation got a bit stale in my forties, I added vaginal penetration which inspired some great kinky fantasies. To this day, vaginal penetration with a vibrator stimulating my clitoris gets me every time.

For me, porn creates a fast turn-on that's not sustainable. So I go for another hit, and another, and by the time I've decided to come, my sex energy has been drained looking at one more page of thumbnails. It's far better for me to just get out my equipment and begin a sexy mental story. I've even been known to do double penetration with myself: a butt plug inserted and a dildo that I penetrate myself with VERY slowly complaining that it's "Too big, Ohhhh no! Don't go in all the way or I won't be a virgin" fantasy.

Also get the Mystic Wand which is battery operated and gave me for more mobility. Especially for travel. It's as strong as the Magic Wand on the 3rd setting but much smaller. As for dildos, I have a hand carved obsidian that is a work of art. However, there are an abundance of dildos available form our Sex Shop. I tend to like glass or metal but the silicone ones that are more realistic are also very nice. My favorite one was 7" and kinda plump. Leaves enough room so I can hold it. My obsidian is big and heavy at 12 inches. Easy to hold and the weight helps my Black Beauty to slowly penetrate me while I resist with my PC muscles holding him back to preserve my innocence by not "going all the way."

Don't forget lube. I still prefer Almond oil but coconut or any organic nut oil is fine. When you have time, start with a vulva massage and love the ole girl. She's given you orgasms, children and a happy husband.

Viva la Vulva!

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Can I just offer an

Mon, 07/11/2011 - 14:21
Jake E

Can I just offer an observation on using porn. Betty the way you use porn sounds pretty much like channel surfing on TV and finding nothing to watch.
It's best not to masturbate while searching for porn and clicking thumbnails, unless you find something that creates the imperative. Once you've found something that sexually inspires you, pay money to download it full length, and with the choice of a sites full back catalogue, and sort into favourites and then watch that like a good movie from start to when you've finished :) Pick something that inspires you to create a fantasy that sucks your libido in and then your in that space Betty achieves with pure fantasy. I find assisting a fantasy with a visual the most effective,  I've reached orgasm looking at just one photo. Many people who make really good porn photo sets or video will edit to build sexual tension through the piece just like a strip tease. When you search for porn all you usually see is a few minutes of that. If you look at some videos on Liandra's site they seem to be very long and timed to accommodate female arousal and masturbation. Good porn is an amazing aphrodisiac and a wonderful art form well worth shamelessly investing in.

Have you tried "peaking"

Tue, 07/12/2011 - 03:14
Fond Care

Dear J
One thing you may find works well to develope the intensity of your orgasms is to try "peaking". You do this by taking yourself up close to orgasm, or as close as you can get, and then either slowing down or stopping briefly before restarting. Now I know it sounds like you have wasted all that effort but what happens is that each time you restart you are starting from a higher excitement level than the time before, and when you go up you go to a higher excitement peak than the time before. This can be a slow process, taking 10-20mins or more, but its also quite nice going close the peak and then pausing. When you are pausing for the right period of time you can feel your genitals giving little "want more" sensations. When you can stand it no more you can go over the top. You may find involuntary muscle contractions are associated with slowing down or stopping each time - it seems to be nature's way of saying "more please, don't stop now". Sometimes you can feel as if everthing is stopping when in fact it is your mind and body switching over to a more intense mode, so keep on with the stimulate/pause process, but not to the point of pain.
This process of peaking is built in to many folk - I believe it originates from our evolutionary past when women would have had a series of lovers when she was in her fertile period, and her body had evolved ways to start slowly but keep building up more and more intensity. One also suspects that the tendency of men to fall asleep afterwards is part of the same evolutionary pattern, allowing her to move on happily on to the next partner feeling she has done that one nicely thanks.
Hope this helps. Do let us know if it works for you.


Tue, 07/19/2011 - 13:48

I also like finding non-porn sexual images and constructing fantasies in my head around them. Looking at the nudes on, there are some where you can imagine quite an interesting story.