My Wife Hates Receiving Oral Sex. I Love Giving.

Wed, 04/20/2011 - 08:21
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Doc!

So here's my problem: my wife is one of those "extremely rare" women you describe that has exclusively vaginal orgasms. She has never had one outside of penetrative intercourse. As such, she's not really interested in receiving oral sex. Problem is -- I love it! I wish she would let me go down on her more often, but it just doesn't do much for her. She's not too uncomfortable with my face planted between her legs to enjoy it. How can I help her get more comfortable with being on the receiving end (she gives great head, btw)??

Dear R,

Have you told her how much you enjoy doing oral sex? Have you made it clear that she doesn't have to come from it? Perhaps offering to do it right after both of you have showered would eliminate some of her concern. So many women fear their genitals are ugly and smelly. Any time you compliment her on how beautiful her vulva is might also help. Take her to our Genital Art Gallery and together look at all the different sex organs.

Finally after menopause when most vaginal linings thin out and vaginal penetration no longer feels that great, she might welcome oral sex then. One husband had tried to get his wife to let him go down on her for years. She would permit it occasionally while obviously not enjoying it. But in her mid-fifties after menopause, she welcomed his talented wet tongue. It's a shame but you might have to wait her out.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Why not buy a dildo?

Wed, 04/20/2011 - 12:36
WildOrchid (not verified)

There are so many terrific dilos you could add to the oral sex to make it more exciting for her. Something silicone or glass with a nice curved shape... I think this could work nicely. I'm just the opposite - if there is nothing on my clit penetration feels vaguely annoying. I suppose I could do it if it was one of my partner’s favorites but that’s about it. Combo rules.

This is just in my experience...

Thu, 04/21/2011 - 14:22

...and I'm not saying this is necessarily the case with your wife, but most of the women I've known who don't enjoy receiving oral sex feel that way because they can't imagine that it could possibly be a pleasurable act for a man to perform. If you're an enthusiastic pussy-licker (I certainly am) this can seem incredible, but in our society women have been taught to hate their bodies, especially their genitals, so they think that they must look, smell and taste horrible.
I think it's always important to verbalize your pleasure in bed, to tell your woman how pretty her vulva is (be specific!), how the scent of it turns you on, and how you can't wait to taste her. In my experience, the first thing woman need in order to have an orgasm is to feel comfortable and relaxed, and if you let her know that this is genuinely one of your favorite things to do, it should go a long way to getting her to enjoy herself as she should.
Just my two cents!


some women just don't like it

Sat, 04/23/2011 - 18:53

I don't.  I'm not uncomfortable with my genitals, it's just physically rather uncomfortable and sometimes unpleasant for me.  Just don't like it.


Sun, 04/24/2011 - 12:46
dolfun (not verified)

chat with her about it...let her know why her pussy turns you on..what it does for you, how it makes you feel, ask her if there is something more she needs/wants...I had this with my own partner..and now I do enjoy it on occasion...but I find I need to be stimulated in other areas first..touch to the nipples-touch to the clit-anal penetration etc...then he can go down on me...

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