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How Do I Overcome Years of Sexual Repression & Enjoy Sex with a Partner?

Fri, 04/01/2011 - 13:30
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I was a virgin until I was 26, due to a repressive and shame-ridden childhood that put such fear in me of having sex before marriage. I have happily and freely masturbated since the age of about 10 and think about sex near constantly, so I believe that I'm a very sexual person, but it seems being sexual and expressing it with a partner is difficult for me. I don't know if it's a problem with being vulnerable in front of people or just a sheer lack of confidence due to a severe lack of experience... so in the 5 years that I've been having intercourse, I have found that I seem to shut down when it's time to have sex with a partner. I can't seem to transfer all the sexual feelings that I've had in my solo sex life to when I'm actually with someone that I'm sexually attracted to.

It's a strange thing- I will enjoy kissing, flirting, being with this person, but as soon as it's time to take it to actualization, I can't enjoy it or be free sexually. It has been extremely discouraging, and one failed experience after another is just setting me up for failure the next time! How can I overcome my years of repression and learn to unleash that sexual side of me with a partner that I'm so comfortable with solo?

Dear L,

This seems to be a very common problem for many young women and also men. The first thing that might help would be to discuss this with your next boyfriend before you have sex together. What helped me the most was to share masturbation with my boyfriend. It allowed us both to observe how we each handled our own genitals. I told the story about the time it happened in my book Sex for One that's available from the website.

The other breakthrough was when I stimulated my own clitoris during penis/vagina sex. He did it for me at first, but I knew best what I wanted so he suggested I take over. Our partner sex soared after that because I had an orgasm (or more) every time we made love. Let me know the good news.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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love you first..

Fri, 04/01/2011 - 14:22
dolfun (not verified)

All I can say is one thing Classical Homeopathy-bringing us back to our true self!...

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