Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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My dilemma is this:

My wife and I have been married for 37 years. I am 74 and she 61. We have enjoyed a full and varied sex life and still make love around three times a week. However some two years ago my wife was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes for which she receives medication. Probably due to this she now seems unable to reach orgasm although she reassures me and I can tell that she still finds the sex very pleasurable.

Also she seems not to enjoy genital foreplay any more and resists cunnilingus. Our favourite technique in the past to bring her to orgasm was for me to reach down and stimulate her clitoris during intercourse which now she asks me not to do. My dilemma is should I just accept her wishes or try to overcome her change in state. We have talked a lot about it and she tells me it is not problematic. I have always been an unselfish lover and to have her achieve orgasm brought me great delight and satisfaction.

Dear V,

Trust that what your wife says is true: sex is still pleasurable without an orgasm for her. You might get a Magic Wand vibrator for body massage and leave out the orgasm part. Perhaps she will discover how good it feels but then again, maybe not. Don't insist.

It's you who misses her orgasms more than she does. So I suggest you accept her just the way she is and enjoy your own orgasms. It's often the case for many men that they measure their sexual self-worth and pleasure by their partners orgasm. Just be glad she is able to be honest with you and continues to enjoy the closeness when you are together. You're a lucky man.

Dr. Betty