Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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Hi Betty,

First, I would like to thank you. I am an eighteen year old girl who has just this year begun University. Until now I have always been incredibly ashamed of my genitals. I have very large inner lips which I always thought were stretched and abnormal. After searching on the internet, I became convinced I had 'hypertrophy of the labia minora' and saw countless cases where women have gone through labia minora reduction to have a 'normal' looking vulva.

After watching 'Viva la Vulva' I finally realized just how many unique looks there are and how beautiful they all are. In fact, upon examining my own genitals with a free standing mirror, I discovered that when I open my inner lips in a specific position, they form an adorable heart.

My other problem is that I have never had an orgasm. I rarely masturbate. Over the last two years or so I've tried on occasion, but I always stop out of boredom. I never felt much, and if anything clitoris stimulation kind of tickles so I'd stop. I've been looking around your site today and after watching the movie too, I have so many ideas of what to try. I realize now that it takes time, effort and patience to train your body to reach that point. I'll start practicing later tonight ;)

I do have a question, however. I have recently become sexually active. I had a boyfriend for a few months and we had intercourse twice. We are no longer together and I haven't had sexual relations with anyone since. I am a little concerned, however. Intercourse and oral sex, like masturbation, does not do a whole lot for me. Some sensations feel pretty good, but they go away and penetration does very little. Will this change with more sexual experience, is this my own fault for not teaching my body to become more aroused?

One last thing, I've heard when you lose your virginity, you bleed. I've had sex twice and have never bled. Do some people not bleed? Will I bleed eventually during a later sexual encounter? Does that mean the penetration wasn't deep enough?

Thanks so much Betty!

Dear N,

Yea! Another plastic surgeon cheated out of cutting the petals off of a woman's divine vulva. This Valentine's Day will have a new meaning now that you've discovered when your vulva is held open, she becomes the shape of a heart.

You are not at fault for any of the difficulties you are and will encounter sexually. What's at fault here is a society that does not support or encourage childhood self-exploration through the natural act of masturbation. That is the beginning of our sexual development. So understand that at 18 you are just embarking upon masturbation 101 so it will take some time.

When you say, "Some sensations feel pretty good, but they go away and penetration does very little" is only a small part of the equation. Those "pretty good" feelings will naturally go away. It's like tasting something delicious. How long does that last? Until the next bite right? Oral sex can provide a woman with much better clitoral stimulation than intercourse which is basically for pro-creation. It's most men's favorite kind of sex, but not all women get adequate clit stim from it. So that's why I encourage stimulating your own clitoris during fucking.

Not all women bleed after the hymen is stretched open. I didn't and a lot of my friends didn't either. Any woman who is active in sports or uses a tampon will have automatically opened it. The whole bleeding crap is basically a myth that makes insecure men feel better since he believes his woman has never had sex with another man. That way he never has to fear comparisons to jocks with bigger dicks. While many women would agree that penetration feels good, it will feel a lot better when her clitoris is also engaged. Now just take time to practice, practice, practice.

Dr. Betty